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Movie Review: Apartment 1303 (2012)

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You can watch Apartment 1303 for free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother. The acting is terrible, the sound is bad, and the story isn’t interesting. The movie focuses on two sisters who move into apartment 1303 to get away from a drunk and abusive mother. They live in this apartment at different times, but both will experience the ominous presence of the ghosts that live there. It makes me wonder how this complex exists when half the residents are ghosts. 

Apartment 1303 fails as a horror movie in every regard. The poor acting and lack of any emotion kill any suspense this poorly written movie could have had. Its garbage sound mixing means you hear every breath and rustling in the background, and it gets distracting. The soundtrack is played on a speaker one room over, and once from a pair of wireless headphones. The plot is full of holes and continuity errors. There are lines of dialogue that contradict themselves in the same breath. This movie is lazy, boring, and a huge waste of time.

I do, however, want to take a moment to overanalyze the plot a bit. Usually, in horror movies, a character will make frustratingly incompetent choices that lead to their demise, like staying in an apartment everyone says is haunted. In this movie, I don’t blame the characters for not leaving the apartment. Apartment 1303 is a one-bedroom high-rise apartment in downtown Detroit that is definitely nicer and bigger than the one I am currently living in. The rent was only $700 a month with a full kitchen, a large living room, a full-sized bathtub, and a balcony with a nice view of the lake. I could put aside my fear of ghosts for $700 of rent. The sisters were also escaping an abusive mother who was desperately clinging to her failed career as a singer. I would choose the ghost too, especially after hearing her music. This movie is dumb, but living in the haunted apartment is blameless.

Anyways, this movie is free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Little Big Soldier (2010)

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Little Big Soldier is one of my favorite Jackie Chan movies. This pseudo-historical twist on an unlikely buddy comedy is a journey you really need to consider. It is a hilarious adventure with a powerful and relevant message. I have watched this movie in both the original Cantonese and its English dubbing. While the dubbing is solid, I prefer the original because there is a lot of emotion that is lost in translation. Not that I understand any Cantonese.

Little Big Soldier is about a farmer who doesn’t want to be a soldier. He uses his wit to survive a bloody battle where he was able to capture an enemy general by chance. He is determined to turn in the enemy general to his own empire so that he may never have to fight in another war. The two start off as enemies, but will reluctantly become friends along the way. 

This movie is a reimagining of historical events, but it also aims to show how meaningless war is. While I can’t speak on its historical accuracy, the narrative is fantastic. The movie does a great job of showing the effects war has on some of the different groups of people in China. From the nomadic tribes to the wondering homeless trying to survive, everyone is affected by the decisions of a few greedy men. It is scary to think a single impulse or feud could uproot and destroy the lives of thousands of people. This movie makes some very powerful criticisms about war while at the same time being silly and entertaining.

You can watch this movie in Cantonese for free on YouTube. You can watch the English dubbing on Peacock with a subscription.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: The Inherited (2016)

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I didn’t know Lifetime made horror movies, but here we have the oddest ghost story you probably shouldn’t watch. I had to take multiple breaks to get through this movie, and it wasn’t worth it. The acting is very stiff and awkward. This kills all suspense; horror movies rely heavily on good suspenseful buildup. At least there aren’t any cheap jump scares. If there are jump scares, they are so poorly done that I didn’t notice. This is a very incompetent movie. The story is full of holes, and it never knows what it wants to be. Is this a movie about murder? A haunting? Spousal abuse? It is dumber than you could imagine.

The inherited is about a newly-wed couple who move into a mansion that the husband inherits. There is something sinister in the house, and it is Tom, the husband. The ghost of Tom’s ex-wife still roams the house, but the worst thing she does is try to open locked doors. Tom, on the other hand, is short-tempered and aggressive. There are a lot of red flags in this relationship, and it is not because the house is haunted. There is a scene in this movie where he is on the verge of hitting Eve because she was voicing that she felt unsafe in the house. I was more worried that Eve was stuck in an abusive relationship than anything the ghost could have done. 

This movie never figures out what it wants to be. It sets up an ominous town with creepy citizens like in Get Out, but they don’t do anything. After investigating Tom’s past, it is implied that he might have murdered his ex-wife, but he didn’t. There is a ghost in the house, but she doesn’t do anything sinester either. It takes an hour for this movie to remember it is horror and by then, there are only 20 minutes left. 

Eve is a dumb character. With possible murder on the table, Eve still doesn’t leave a clearly abusive husband. She gets poisoned, and she still decides to stay and work things out.Then there is ghost who roams the halls. You find out that its the ghost of the ex-wife. This is possibly the most helpful ghost in cinema since Casper. This ghost talks to Eve when she is lonely and even helps with the housework. It is no wonder that in the end, after Tom is murdered, Eve decides to co-parent a child with the ghost. Eve wins this movie. She gets a huge train money inheritance, a nice mansion, and a family. What more can a girl ask for? 

This movie is bonkers, but not in a fun way. It moves too slowly and the acting is terrible. It is free on YouTube, but I would honestly skip it.

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YouTube Movie Review: Tommy Boy (1995)

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Tommy Boy remains a classic Chris Farley comedy. While it does suffer a bit from the ravages of time, it still holds up well. Sure, some of the jokes don’t land, and the story is a little basic, but it is still a solid comedy that had me crying from laughter.

It goes without saying, Chris Farley was a treasure and this movie is a great example of why. The charisma and energy he brings to his performances remain unparalleled. It saddens me that we didn’t get to see his career evolve.

I do take issue where the joke is that he is the fat guy. I never thought those jokes were funny. This one doesn’t have too many, but it has enough where I have to say something. He is a funny guy, and weight has nothing to do with it. I do love the chemistry that Farley and Spade share. The only reason this movie works is that they play off each other so well. 

If you are in the mood for a classic comedy that still holds up, you can find this free on YouTube.

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YouTube Movie Review: Apartment 143 (2012)

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I am not a fan of found footage movies. I don’t like the lack of structure. There are some exceptions to this, but unfortunately, Apartment 143 isn’t one of them. Maybe I would have liked this movie if I could understand any of the conversations. In an odd artistic decision, the sound is recorded from a camera microphone too far away to pick up a lot of the dialogue. The idea was probably to make the found footage seem more authentic, but it is hard to care about a movie you can’t understand.

The movie is about a group of paranormal investigators on a job. Strange things have been happening to the family living in Apartment 143, and this team of experts is here to figure out what it is. The movie entertains the possibility of ghosts, demons, psychic powers, and even mental illness for the strange activity. There is a lot of pointless misdirection because the movie ends without a clear answer. The worst part of this movie is that it ends in sequel bait. Whatever is going on in the house isn’t done yet.

There are better found footage movies out there. Ones that don’t involve people waiting around having irrelevant conversations. This shamelessly relies on cheap jump scares to hide the fact that there is nothing valuable in the rest of the movie. As of writing this, you can watch this free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother.

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Movie Reviews, movies

Best Free Movies On Youtube

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This list is in no particular order. It will be ongoing as I make my way through the catalogue.

The Hitchicker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Fan Boys
The Terminator
Idiocracy
IP Man
Tommy Boy
The Naked Gun 2 1/2
Train to Busan
The Sasquatch Gang
Road House
Wish Upon A Star
Miss Potter
Matilda
The First Wives Club
Napoleon Dynamite
Lemony Snicket’s A series of Unfortunate Events
Mrs. Doubtfire
Die Hard
Armageddon
Grind
The Princess Bride
Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Infini (2015)

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Infini is a low-budget sci-fi horror that is essentially a live-action dead space. The movie is about a mining operation that is in the outer reaches of space. Some mysterious illness is causing people to go insane. A team is sent to investigate, but they return afflicted, rabid with insanity. No one knows what is going on except for the one lone officer Carmichael who is left behind. A special team has been sent to investigate what is going on and rescue Carmichael.

This movie is a suspenseful and psychological horror. Infini does a great job at creating a feeling of disorientation that emulates what the characters feel. We don’t know what is going on and uncover the mystery along with Carmichael. The acting is fine, and the story is okay, but I was impressed with what the filmmakers do with their budget. I love how the film handles the characters’ descent into insanity. The echoing voices, how the characters talk to themselves, and the music all come together to create a tense narrative that will keep you at the edge of your seat. 

This movie isn’t perfect. It is low budget, so expect some inconsistencies. Some of the acting is rough, the story has some holes, and some of the effects are goofy. The ending was also a bit disappointing, but this is to be expected. Overall, it is a solid movie that makes some creative risks and they pay off. 

If you like sci-fi horror or the Dead Space games, this is worth a shot. If you are looking for a movie to watch, you can watch it for free over on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.

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Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: The A Team (2010)

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This movie is a lot of fun. It has explosions, some decent action, and fun characters. The story is a little lacking, but you aren’t watching this movie for the story. You are watching this movie for chases, explosions, and gunfights. Although some of the action falls flat because of the shaky-cam, it redeems itself with its antics. What other movie involves people flying a plane? A bit of warning, you will need to suspend your disbelief a lot for this movie. The antics are not realistic, but they are cool non the less. 

My only issue with this movie is that it does try to drive its story. The plot twist is obvious, you will know the plot twist in the first 5 minutes. It is obvious. The movie will spend the rest of the time trying to hide this from its audience, but there is no need for so much misdirection. All this time could be used on more explosions and helicopter chases. Another weakness of this movie is how much it tries to tie in the original show. Some of the references, like Mr. T., feel forced and out of place. When Quinton wasn’t awkwardly adding “foo” to his dialect, he is a pretty cool character. 

Overall, if you are looking for a movie you can watch mindlessly, The A Team is a solid choice. This movie doesn’t need much investment, but you won’t hate having watched it. The story is simple, the action is fun, and the cast is solid. You can watch this movie for free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.

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YouTube Movie Review: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

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I read this book back in middle school and it is an experience that has stuck with me well into my adulthood. I loved this book, but I didn’t get around to seeing the movie when it came out. I didn’t have the money. When I did, I was afraid it would have ruined my experience. When this movie was recommended to me by the YouTube algorithm, I reluctantly decided to watch it. What do I have to lose? It is free. I am very happy with the adaptation, but I am also saddened that there isn’t a sequel.

 I can’t tell you how close the adaptation is to the book, it has been a while since I’ve last read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, but it was pretty close to what I remember. As far as movies go, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is the quirky and fun sci-fi movie you didn’t know you were looking for. The cast is great, the costumes are fantastic, and although the story isn’t finished, it is entertaining. I usually don’t like narration or meta-jokes in movies, but they are utilized expertly in this movie. This movie is very well done and you should give it a gander if you like silly quirky movies about space.

Check it out for free on YouTube. So long, and thank you for all the fish!

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YouTube Movie Review: Eragon (2006)

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I read the Eragon back in high school, back around the time when the movie was coming out. I loved the book and I remember the excitement I felt about watching the movie. I remember exchanging that excitement for disappointment because the movie didn’t hold the same magic that the book did. I decided that today, I was far enough removed from the book that I would no longer hold that bias. I thought that I would be able to see the movie in a different light. I no longer hold onto that bias, but my opinion about this movie has not changed. I now understand why this movie never got any sequels, and it rightfully shouldn’t.

Eragon is a bad movie. You shouldn’t watch it, even if it is free on YouTube. Eragon is a movie that has gotten worse with age. The acting is mediocre, the CGI is ugly, and the story isn’t interesting. If you are looking for a movie with the same story done better, go watch Star Wars or How to Train Your Dragon. It is a much better use of your time.

What hurts this movie is its pacing and characters. There isn’t enough time spent on world-building or establishing Eragon as a competent hero in training. As a result, Eragon feels arrogant and whiny instead of a kid who is slowly growing to become a hero.

Take Brom’s death for example. Eragon gets a vision about saving Arya. Without discussing it with anyone, he just leaves. Brom dies saving Eragon. Brom’s death is supposed to be emotional and serve as an important moment of growth for Eragon. Instead, it is a frustrating scene because of how incompetent Eragon is as a hero. You might be able to excuse Eragon’s incompetence to the inexperience of youth, but the film doesn’t frame it as such. The whole movie doesn’t frame as anything heroic. He either wins because it’s in the script or people die because he messes up. It is difficult to care about a story where the main character is so unlikable.

I thought watching it for free would make watching this movie easier, but it didn’t. Don’t watch it, especially if you liked the book because you will be disappointed. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on YouTube.

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