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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Spiderhead (2022)

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I wanted to like Spiderhead, but unfortunately, this movie is an utter disappointment. Chris Hemsworth is a fantastic villain, but unfortunately, his efforts are wasted on a film with a severe identity crisis. This movie struggles as it tries to decide whether it wants to be horror, action thriller, or dark comedy. The result is something that feels like three different movies awkwardly stitched together and posted as a cheap way to generate views. There are about 30 minutes of salvageable film, but the disappointment is too overwhelming to merit a recommendation.

Spiderhead is a prison facility run by a shady pharmaceutical company. They use the facility to test highly experimental drugs on its inmates. All the inmates are here by choice, but as the side effects begin to get severe, it becomes harder to justify volunteering. The movie focuses on a protagonist with a dark past that you uncover as the tests continue. Will he continue to subject himself to the experiments, or will his questions prompt a release from the program? Or worse?

The movie starts as another prison game narrative. The movie does a great job of setting up how isolated the facility is. It also provides the audience with a taste of the type of tests involved. What sets this movie apart is the very charismatic Chris Hemsworth who uses his charisma to manipulate the prisoners into always cooperating with the testing. It is fun to see Steve (Chris Hemsworth) turn every conversation in his favor. The problem is that none of the other actors add this same level of energy and it hurts the film. When the movie shifts its focus from Hemsworth to the true protagonist, the movie loses its momentum, and I, in turn, lost my interest. The movie becomes this lazy, cartoonish The Warriors ripoff no one asks for full of ex-Machina and poorly delivered drama. I don’t like this movie because of how badly I was let down by the ending.

If you want something to throw in the background, sure. Chris Hemsworth’s performance is fantastic. There are a lot of bits in this movie where nothing happens, making it not worth your full attention. You can find this movie on Netflix, but there are a lot of other media that do this same story better elsewhere.

This part will have spoilers, do not read if you care about spoilers. This is one of those movies where I wish the villain won. It would have been such a better story if at the end of the movie, after all the effort of trying to escape, the protagonist finds he is still a part of the test. Anything would have been better than how it ends.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1988)

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I watched the Bill and Ted reboot and was disappointed. It didn’t have the same charm that the originals had, so I lost interest pretty quickly. After the reboot, I feared that maybe my memory of the original movies was skewed by my youthful ignorance. It is because of this fear that I have been avoiding rewatching this movie for a while now. Today I bit the bullet and I am pleasantly satisfied with how well Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure holds up. Some of the jokes do not hold up, but overall the story is solid and is still worth your time.

I love Bill and Ted as protagonists. A lot of this movie’s charm comes from how well they are played. Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter have amazing chemistry and have helped create an incredibly iconic duo. What I like most is that they aren’t just silly dumb one-note characters. Although they are aloof by nature, they learn from the events of their adventure and grow because of it. Bill and Ted are not the same characters they started as despite them still being aloof.

This is a most excellent movie that you can watch for free on YouTube. You can also find the sequel on YouTube as well. Check them out if you have some time, and remember, party on dudes.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: You Won’t be Alone(2022)

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You Won’t Be Alone is a delightfully odd low-budget film about a witch who just wants to live a normal life. Nevena was turned into a witch as a baby. Her mother, fearing that the witch would take her, hides Nevena in a cave. Nevena will spend the first 16 years of her living in this cave in isolation. Eventually, the witch returns for Nevena and takes her out of the cave. Although Nevena appreciates her newfound freedom, she doesn’t want to be a witch. The witches in this movie have the power to take the form of a corpse. Nevena will make three transformations in this movie. We get to watch her learn about human nature from three different perspectives by living as a young woman, a young man, and a little girl. Will she be able to assimilate and have a normal life, or will the hatred toward witches be her demise?

This is a trigger warning! There is a bit of nudity and sex. The movie also deals with abuse, both emotional and physical. If any of these topics trigger you, do not watch this movie.

This movie does a fantastic job of creating an engaging narrative by piecing together different stories. I loved how each Nevena focuses on different aspects of human life based on the assumed perspective. For each version of Nevena, she finds different objects of importance that help her grow as a person. A lot of the narrative exists within her childlike observations. She grew up away from society, so she finds intrigue in everything. This innocent curiosity is a great driving force for the narrative. It is through Nevena’s innocence that we get a lot of important criticism about human nature. 

The only complaint I have is that this movie is with the pacing. This movie is a slow burn, and it is going to be an issue for most people. This movie is also a bit unrefined because of its budget. It is not unwatchable, but it is difficult to ignore. There is some awkward camera work and a few of Nevena’s reactions get tedious. If you can get past these flaws, it is a solid movie. If you can get past the issues, this movie proves that you don’t need a hefty budget of name-brand actors to tell an interesting story. 

This is an Armenian film with some awkwardly translated subtitles. Not unintelligible, but award at points. If you don’t mind the budget and pacing, this is a good way to spend two hours. This movie fills a certain niche, and it won’t be for everyone. This movie is also very quiet. Nevena never learned to speak, a lot of her communication is through gesticulation. The movie does a fantastic job at combining Nevena’s non-verbal communication with a contemplative internal monologue to create a powerful narrative. If you are interested, you can stream it on Peacock. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Overboard (1987)

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The plot of the original Overboard makes me uncomfortable because of the unethical misogyny. A man takes in a woman who has lost her memory and tricks her into being the perfect housewife. If you like cheesy 80’s comedies and you can overlook this flaw, Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have enough charisma and chemistry to make this movie salvageable. Otherwise, you can skip this and be fine. 

Don’t get me wrong, I did not hate this movie, but there are bits that make me uncomfortable. I don’t agree with how they treated Goldie Hawn’s character at the start of her kidnapping. While it might be excusable because she was a nightmare at the start of the film, it was a bit excessive and mean. It is also problematic that a woman who has never worked a day in her life learns instinctually how to be the perfect mother and housewife over a period of a couple of days. If the acting in this movie wasn’t as good as it is, I wouldn’t have finished this movie. I don’t know how it compares to the remake, but I am glad they did the gender swap. This movie would not be successful with a modern audience. 

If you like cheesy 80’s movies, this one is fine. This movie has a very specific audience, and if you aren’t in that group, I wouldn’t bother looking it up. That said, you can watch it for free on YouTube.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Siege of Robin Hood (2022)

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The Siege of Robin Hood is a cheesy, low-budget fantasy movie you have not heard of for good reason. This film feels like a very well-funded LARP, unfortunately, it makes for a terrible movie. 

The Sheriff Of Nottingham is a tyrant who rules the land cruelly. The citizens have had enough but are unable to break away from his rule. It is up to Robin Hood and his band of misfits to storm the castle and give the land its peace and freedom. Do they have what it takes, or will they be another failed rebellion? 

This was exceptionally boring to watch. The costumes and the setting are the best things about this movie. They spent a lot of money on cool pieces of armor and weapons, but they ran out of money for the actors and sound. There are a couple of fun fights, but they are too few for this movie to be worth the trouble. Overall, this film’s greatest weakness lies in its actors. There are no actors in this movie, and a lot of this movie consists of a poorly written script performed terribly. Getting through this movie was hard work, work I hope you never have to do. 

The biggest issue with this movie is its lack of urgency. Nothing in this movie matters because there isn’t a threat or challenge for Robin Hood and his gang. The henchmen will die at the mere sight of the group, and Robin Hood will ex Machina his way out of everything. The villain in this movie is horribly written. The Sheriff Of Nottingham is evil for the sake of being evil. He rapes and pillages because he has to be the bad guy and that’s boring. A good villain needs clear motivation with competent henchmen so that the hero’s struggle is exciting and fun to watch. There is no weight to this villain and I was left waiting for Robin Hood to awkwardly stroll to the final disappointing battle. It is a shame because there are a couple of well-choreographed fights that leave me more disappointed in this movie. Why couldn’t the movie be full of well-choreographed and fun fights if they were going to skimp on actors and narrative? 

This movie is a complete waste of time. I like cheesy movies, but this takes it to an unwatchable level. If you like to watch bad movies to make fun of them, don’t bother with this one because it isn’t as fun as you might think. I don’t know who funded this LARP, but it wasn’t worth it. You aren’t the target audience. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Choose or Die (2022)

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I’ve seen enough of these curse game movies to have low expectations of the genre. However, I was pleasantly surprised by Choose or Die. While it may not leave a lasting impression, it isn’t the worst way to spend two hours. I honestly believe it to be one of the better films in the genre. 

Choose or Die is about a girl Thea who is really good at computers. As she is desperately trying to find ways to make some extra money, she stumbles onto a text-based RPG that promises a healthy payout. While the game seems innocent, it comes with some deadly consequences. Now she is trapped in the game of her life. Will she win it all, or die trying?

Choose or Die does enough to keep it from being another bad entry to the genre, but it is far from perfect. The acting is solid, and some games are creative, but the narrative is lacking. Thea is a solid protagonist. Usually, movies like this feature a bland misrepresented character that is inexplicably perfect when the plot needs her to be. Thea on the other hand is shown early on to be a capable computer engineer. It isn’t random or unbelievable when she plays the game competently or when she overcomes obstacles. She is also likable enough, although there is some bad writing that keeps her from being better. 

The games Thea is forced to play are fun and creative for the most part. This movie does a decent job converting text-based RPG elements into a realistic and suspenseful challenge that Thea must overcome. Most importantly, these games are winnable. In some of the Saw movies or that dumb Escape Room movie, the games aren’t winnable. Instead of the suspenseful ride of watching someone trying to win their life, you get torture porn. While there is nothing wrong with that type of genre, it isn’t horror. You don’t see much torture in Choose or Die instead it becomes a very intense puzzle where the choices are difficult, but not impossible. Unfortunately, not all of the games are created equal. This will hurt this movie’s rewatchability.

My only complaint is with the writing. There are a few very cheesy moments that destroy the tension. Terrible one-liners, cheesy outcomes, and the pointless scenes with the drug dealer kind of slow the movie down and distract from the more creative bits. There is also a lot of buildup to a very disappointing ending that almost ruins the experience. 

You can watch this movie on Netflix. While I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, it’s not bad if you have nothing else to do.

Series Reviews

Series Review: Barry (2018)

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With the third season of Barry coming to a close, if you haven’t started watching this series, now is the perfect time to start. Season three is unfolding into the most insane and frustrating journey put on a reel, and I absolutely love every minute of it. For those of you who don’t know, Barry is a dark comedy about a hitman who no longer wants to kill people. Barry is one of the best in the business, but his life is unfulfilled. This all changes when a job has him stumble into the acting class that will change his life. He believes he’s found his true calling in acting despite not being very good at it. It is a fantastic journey of struggle, disappointment, depression, and acting.

This show makes an uncharismatic murderer lovable and that in itself should be enough reason for you to watch this show. This show is well shot, directed, acted, and written. It is full of characters you will hate because you are supposed to, those you will love because they ooze charisma and nail-biting tense moments that will have you ripping your hair out. I love the contrast between the acting scene and the dark underworld that Barry can’t ever shake. The harder Barry tries to have a normal life, the harder it becomes to keep his lives seperate. It is this duality that makes this show so special. All Barry wants in life is to have a purpose, but can he find purpose outside of murder? You will have to watch to find out. 

Watch this show on HBO. Trust me, you won’t regret it. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Don’t Get Caught (2018)

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Don’t Get Caught is an action stoner comedy that you haven’t heard of for good reason. This lazy and uninspired movie does not deserve your time. The acting is horrible, the editing is terrible, and there is no plot. You can find this movie free on YouTube, but it isn’t worth the trouble. There is absolutely no amount of weed in this world that would make this movie even a little funny.

Don’t Get Caught is about a couple of guys who stumble on a weed farm one day. They decide to steal the weed and sell it for profit. Unfortunately, the owner of the field finds out and wants his product back. This escalates to what is possibly one of the dumbest shootouts in history. They kill the biker gang, save the stripper, and get to keep all the money.

There are a couple of celebrity cameos in this movie to trick people into watching the movie. They only have one line and it isn’t very good. This is a shameless way to get people interested in a movie that is too lazy to edit its scenes correctly. There are scenes in this movie that will end mid-sentence and jarringly transition to the next scene. Don’t waste your time on a movie that is too lazy to put in the effort on proper editing. 

It was painful sitting through this movie. The poorly scripted dialogue delivered by the most wooden acting makes this movie a chore to sit through. None of the jokes land, none of the situations are funny, and none of the action is suspenseful or exciting. It doesn’t help that the whole movie is full of terribly echoey sound. They cut too many corners, and it makes this movie unwatchable. I can’t believe I sat through this whole movie.

I deserve a refund for having to sit through this god-awful movie. At least the music was good.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Once Bitten (1985)

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I was unimpressed by Once Bitten. This comedy has not aged well. A lot of the jokes no longer land, making this movie feel as eternal as the life of the vampires in it. Once Bitten is an absurd and unstructured comedy that relies heavily on the absurdity of the narrative. You have a matron of vampires who are starving for her eternal youth. To achieve this, she must drink virgin blood three times before Halloween, or she will age terribly. As a result, this movie is full of misunderstandings, innuendos, and horny teenagers. 

This movie isn’t terrible, the acting is fine, and the soundtrack is fantastic, but the pacing is a problem. The pacing is already slow, but it feels slower because you will have to sit through a number of unfunny and uncomfortable scenes. This isn’t the hyperactive Jim Carrey you might know him as, but a rather subdued character trying to figure life out. He like this movie is instantly forgettable. 

The only positive worth mentioning is the soundtrack. I love the music in this movie, but it isn’t enough to save this movie. The only scene that I enjoyed was the dance fight that happens towards the end. The music choice, the choreography, and the energy that the actors bring to their performance make me sad that this movie isn’t a musical. If you haven’t seen it, check it out because it is fun! Unfortunately, the rest of this movie lacks this energy and it suffers for it. 

You can watch this movie free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother. It isn’t terrible, but there are better uses for your time.

Series Reviews

Series Review: Star Trek: Prodigy(2021)

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Star Trek: Prodigy is the modern Star Trek narrative I have been searching for. This animated series follows a group of misfits who find themselves on a stolen federation ship. With The Diviner after them, they must learn to fly the ship and work together as a functioning crew. Will they be able to overcome their own demons in time, or will they be captured, forced to spend their lives as another one of The Diviner’s undesirables?

If you are looking for an entry to the series, you can’t go wrong with Star Trek: Prodigy. The animation is beautiful, the voice acting is fantastic, and the characters are lovable. The story is incredibly fun and beginner friendly. You do not need to know anything about Star Trek to enjoy this series. This series is what I hope all modern Star Trek shows get to be. You have an interesting a capable villain with clear motivations chasing a crew of capable and lovable heroes operating a cool and powerful ship. What more can you ask for? 

The crew of the S.S. Protostar is filled with unique and flawed characters that will grow as the adventure unfolds. They mess up and fumble through each situation, but they learn and grow from each mistake. I love the attention to detail put into this show. There are small bits of dialogue or small subtle actions that show the audience that these are dynamic characters growing into something great. They might not be the cool collected crew of the Enterprise, but they are lovable just the same. This is a very much welcomed addition to the Star Trek universe, one that you should consider the next time you are looking for something to watch. 

It is available for streaming on Paramount Plus. Trust me when I say, it is well worth your time.