I was excited about the new Hellraiser because I loved the original, but I have since exchanged my excitement for disappointment. It is time to let this series die since it has run its course.
The movie focuses on a recovering drug addict who is struggling to get her life back together. Desperate for money, she breaks into an old warehouse where she finds the sinister puzzle box. After a relapse, she solves the puzzle and sets into motion the gruesome events that will change her life forever. The Cenobites are back and are looking to collect souls. Will she be able to make the sacrifices required to wish for her brother back, or will she be another claimed soul?
This movie is slow and dull, but at least the monster designs were interesting. I recommend skipping through any part without the Cenobites because the rest of this story doesn’t deserve your attention. What kills this movie for me is the pacing; it is unbearably slow. The original also has a pacing problem, but it is more interesting.
This movie is gore porn, designed to gross out its audience with gruesome death scenes and disgusting monsters. It doesn’t go as far as it can, and a bit of the gore is held back by its technology. Most of the kills are fine, and some are even creative, but there are some that are rendered poorly. Don’t watch this movie if you are looking for proper gore.
I take issue with this movie’s narrative style. Most of the time I was waiting around for the next death scene. The last fifteen minutes or so fair a bit better than the rest of the movie because that is when the most action happens. The ending has a few lazy twists, some poorly designed tension, and some interesting lore dumps, but nothing really goes out of your way to watch. I just wished the rest of the movie had the same energy as the last bit, it might have fared a little better.
If this movie existed in a vacuum, it would be fine. The acting is decent, and the deaths are solid. But it doesn’t, and there are better options out there. If you need horror movies to fill your Halloween marathon, watch the original instead. Otherwise, be prepared to skip around. You can stream it on Hulu, but I wouldn’t bother.
Movie Review: Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022)
Most people are already done with this IP, but Illumination seems to be determined to milk it for all its worth. While it might not be the best addition to the franchise, The Rise of Gru is certainly one of the better ones. If you have kids, you’ve probably already seen this movie. If you haven’t, you can stream it on Peacock.
The plot is a simple origin story. It focuses on the mentorship of Gru as he comes to his own as a villain, while also establishing him as a sympathetic character. I didn’t feel like it added much to the lore or did anything worthwhile, but I didn’t hate it.
This movie doesn’t do anything special, and I would only recommend it if you have kids. The voice acting is mostly solid and I enjoy the art style. It is hard to write too much about this movie because you’ve seen this type of origin story done many times. There were some cute moments in this movie that help The Rise of Gru stand out among the rest of these movies, but nothing I would rush to see.
If you are looking for something to throw on for a family movie night, this is a solid option. If you are looking for something to throw on in the background, why not. Otherwise, you can probably live without it. You can stream it on Peacock.
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Movie Review: Hocus Pocus 2
I wasn’t impressed by this sequel. As of writing this, I struggle to remember what I just watched. If you are a fan of the original, you have already been disappointed. For the rest of you, watch the original instead.
This attempt feels heartless and empty. It is a very cheesy and cartoonish movie, clearly written for a younger audience, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that this movie is boring. The acting is great for the Sanderson sisters and Gilbert, but everyone else feels flat. The main characters feel shallow because they are poorly written. I did not care for the main characters or the fact that they were no longer friends because there wasn’t enough to them for me to do so. The conflict between them seemed manufactured to fill the run time. Their only motivations seem to be driven by the script instead of any defining characteristic. I can’t even name you any of the main characters because they only existed to chase after the sisters.
The plot of this movie is clearly a shallow attempt at cashing in on some nostalgia. There isn’t any tension in the movie despite there being a deadline. The villains and heroes were all goofing around so I stopped caring pretty early on. If this movie isn’t wasting time on pointless high school drama, being politically correct, or making references to the original, then nothing is happening. This movie builds up, if you can call this poorly written plot build-up, to a very disappointing conclusion powered by terrible writing and Ex-Machina. It is anti-climactic, and the Sanderson sisters deserved a better conclusion.
This movie was clearly written for kids. Hocus Pocus 2 was a sloppy attempt to reboot the series for a new generation. I expected more. You can stream on Disney+, but I recommend you watch the original instead.
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Movie Review: Athena (2022)
Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
I absolutely adored this film, and if it isn’t on your radar, it should be. Athena is a beautifully shot and stressful journey through a chaotic riot brought forth by racism.
The community of Athena is shaken by the death of a young boy at the hands of the local police. Fed up by the police brutality plaguing his community, Karim takes arms against those who killed his brother. Riots break out, and with the help of the local gangs, Karim wages war against the police. Will he be able to bring his brother’s killers to justice? Will this war bring the change Karim is hoping for?
The film is in French, with subtitles available in many languages. The acting is fantastic, although I only understood bits of it. The big draw to this movie is how perfectly it captures the chaos of the riots. I was blown away by the long sequences that beautifully told this chaotic story. I respect the amount of work and coordination required to make such a massive conflict fit within this movie.
There is some dialogue, all of it is key to the story, but most of the storytelling is achieved through these long sequences. The clashes with the police and the long walks through the war-torn apartments tell an amazing story with very few words. The story told is intense and suspenseful. I was at the edge of my seat, consistently stressed by the escalating conflict throughout the whole experience, and it was wonderful.
Stream it now on Netflix.
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Movie Review: Look Both Ways (2022)
Look Both Ways is a cute story that explores how the life of a young woman splits after one defining moment. In her senior year of college, Natalie takes a pregnancy test that would determine her future. The movie explores how her life would have turned out with either outcome. In one version, Natalie works toward the goals she has set for herself while the other version of Natalie becomes a mother. The movie will constantly shift between the two, comparing each other’s achievements and hardships. It is a neat idea, and it makes for a cute story.
The movie is cute because of its cast and the chemistry they share. The story is okay, but it plays off as too much of a fantasy. There is hardly any adversity in this quirky little narrative, and what does exist is easily overcome. Everything works out in the end, so think of this as a fairy tale you watch when you want to relax.
I liked how they showed that life wasn’t over for Natalie after she got pregnant, and she could still work towards her goals. Both narratives were treated nicely but limited by this mirroring the narratives had to do. Each switch had to be parallel so the choices Natalie made had to be the same or similar.
My only complaint is that the ending was a bit disappointing, had it ended a few minutes earlier it would have been better, but it didn’t ruin the experience. Also having it limited to only two successful outcomes is a bit limiting, but any other combination would have either been too long or biased.
It’s cheesy, its fun, and you won’t hate it. It isn’t going to win any awards, but I enjoyed the story, and I appreciate how it was told. You can stream it on Netflix.
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Movie Review: Blonde (2022)
I have mixed feelings about Blonde because while I appreciate what it tries to do, it is a slow burn. This movie didn’t need to be as long as it is, and I nearly gave up on it. What hurts this movie is its artsy retelling of history, but it is an innovation in storytelling that I can welcome. If you are coming to this movie to learn about the tragedy of Marilyn Monroe, it is done better in documentaries and books. The draw to this film is strictly for its artistry and storytelling. It is not for everyone.
Ana del Armas is amazing, and her performance was the only reason I was able to stomach this movie. Ana del Armas is able to embody the tragedy and desperation behind this story as she carries this film. I can’t think of a better actress for the job.
That said, this movie is too artsy for its good. Some scenes drag on way too long and others become repetitive. I do like the almost horror narrative style the movie takes up to highlight the tragedy of Maralyn’s life. The way it exaggerates the predatory affection men had towards her was terrifying. This movie does a good job of showing how fame was a curse to Maralyn, and how it led to her untimely death. It was interesting to see the constant struggle between Norma the person and Marilyn the symbol evolve through the film. It was a conflict that resulted in some truly powerful scenes. The problem I have with this movie is that it takes too long to make its points. I don’t have the attention span required to sit through this much symbolism.
Blonde isn’t a good biopic. I don’t feel like I came out of this experience knowing anything new about the actress like I did with Elvis. While I did enjoy the overall performance, the art distracts from the narrative.
The best way to enjoy this movie is to come into it knowing the history. This isn’t a movie that you will use as a historical reference. Read books and watch documentaries first, then maybe consider this movie. This is a movie designed to make the audience uncomfortable. Marilyn’s life is an uncomfortable tragedy. There is a lot of nudity and abuse in this movie, clearly earning its N17 rating. But, if you don’t mind weird artsy movies, this one is a slow burn that you should watch for the experience. Just be warned, it is very slow. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, especially since this story has been done better elsewhere. But for those interested, you can stream it on Netflix.
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Movie Review: I Used to be Famous (2022)
This movie was okay. I Used to Be Famous is certainly the last resort movie, something you throw on when you have absolutely nothing else to watch. While it isn’t a terrible movie, it is forgettable. This movie relies too heavily on trying to elicit feelings of sympathy and warmth towards a heartwarming friendship that frankly has been done better elsewhere. This is an okay option to throw on when you don’t want to be fully invested in a story.
The story is about a failed boy band artist Vince who is trying to regain his glory days. While he may still feel the music, he finds himself blocked from creating the next hit that will revive his career. This all changes when he meets an unlikely friend in Stevie, a boy with autism who likes to play the drums. Together they begin to make inspired music that begins to open doors for them, but this isn’t without its challenges. Eventually, Vince realizes that he no longer wishes to use his music to seek fame but to help people heal. It is as sappy and cheesy as it sounds.
There isn’t anything objectively wrong with this movie. The acting and story are fine, but the music isn’t. While I can appreciate the chemistry between the actors, it was hard to sit through the concerts. As much as this movie tries to make it seem like the music made is an instant hit, it’s not. This won’t ruin the experience, but it does emphasize this movie’s cheesiness. It is a fine story about friendship, but it isn’t a big impression. Peanut Butter Falcon does it a lot better.
You can stream this movie on Netflix. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but you won’t hate it if you do.
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Movie Review: Lou (2022)
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As far as cheap and generic action movies go, Lou fairs a little better, but I still can’t recommend it. I am sure there is an audience for these types of movies, but they haven’t found any in my home.
Lou is about a recluse who lives in the woods and hunts for her food. The movie starts as she is about to commit suicide, but her attempt is interrupted by her one and only neighbor. Her neighbor’s daughter has been kidnapped, and Lou takes it upon herself to track down the kidnappers and save the little girl. The problem is, there is a storm shaking the island, and her arthritis is flaring up. Will she be able to save the little girl before the arteritis takes her hands?
This movie was average at best but never worth your time. The acting is average, with Lou being the best actor. The other characters try their hardest, but the writing doesn’t do much to help them. The plot is simple and linear, and the action isn’t fun or exciting.
I am not sure how I feel about this trend of older action heroes. I am glad that actors are no longer type-casted into the grandparent role, but I don’t think they’ve figured out the formula to make them work. Granted, these movies aren’t made for me, but it is still a valid opinion. At least this one was more realistic. It makes me nervous for the final Halloween movie seeing how the last movie was over-the-top ridiculous. I have nothing against Jamie Lee Curtis, but she had Micheal Meyers level of resilience to knife wounds; that is a hard truth to accept.
It is hard to say anything more about this movie because it just exists without leaving much of an impression. When there isn’t any action, I was trapped watching two women hiking through the woods, bonding due to circumstances. It may not be the worst action movie, but it is forgettable. You can stream it on Netflix.
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Movie Review: Don’t Worry Darling (2022)
Don’t Worry Darling is a huge waste of time, don’t watch it in theaters. This film’s abysmal failure was rightfully predicted when the only news coming out nearing its release was about the drama that surrounded the filming. If this amateur attempt at horror doesn’t ruin Olivia Wild’s directing career, nothing will.
Don’t Worry Darling is about a dystopian desert community that is themed after the 1950’s American nuclear family fantasy. The men all work at a factory where what they do is a secret. The women are homemakers who look after the house and their husband’s every need. Everything seems perfect at the Valor project. Food is plentiful, there is a lot to do, and everything is perfect. But there is something sinister happening in the desert, and Alice is the only one who suspects such. Alice seeks answers, but the answers she seeks begin to unravel her world. It seems like her life at the Valor project isn’t as perfect as it seems.
Don’t Worry Darling is two hours where nothing happens. The first half hour is dedicated to Harry Styles making out with Alice, while the rest of the run time is padded with more fan service and fake deep sequences. If this movie dedicated as much time to developing its plot as it did with Mr. Styles, this could have been an actual movie. Instead, Don’t Worry Darling is a superficial attempt at replicating a better horror film.
The biggest problem with this movie is that there isn’t enough tension. The editing, the bizarre directing choices, and the acting
aren’t able to make this work. The acting is very inconsistent. In some scenes, the writing and the acting come together nicely and give the audience the false hope that the movie might get better. Most scenes, however, feel as if the actors are struggling to remember the lines they were given minutes before filming. It doesn’t help that most characters are poorly written cardboard cutouts of people. The cast does its best, but nothing can save this atrocity to film.
This is the part of the review where I will spoil the movie. If you are planning to watch it, don’t, but this is a good place to stop. You’ve been warned.
The movie is all set up, full of scenes that take way too long and symbols that overstay their welcome. With all this setup, the big defining twist still manages to come as a surprise. This whole movie exists as a simulation, and only the men know the truth. The women on the other hand have been reprogrammed to believe in the simulation and be perfect housewives. The idea is cool. In the hands of a competent director, this could have been a good movie, but it’s not.
Don’t Worry Darling’s follies make this movie anti-climactic. The villain is poorly written and without any presence. I forgot Chris Pine was even in this movie until he would show up for some poorly written moments. The only reason I knew he was the villain was that he was nearly always accompanied by ominous music. Alice on the other hand suffers from magical competence. She knows something is wrong and knows what to do because the script and director say so. Most events in this movie happen for the same reason. You can argue that it was all programmed to happen, but this movie isn’t good enough for that explanation. As a result, I never cared when Alice was in danger because I knew ex-Machina would save the day.
Instead of wasting so much time on symbolism and fan service, it should have spent time developing its mystery and gas-lighting Alice. There should have been more clues to suggest that this was a simulation. There should have been more meaningful interactions between Alice in the world; maybe it wouldn’t feel so frustratingly magical. There should have been a better director. Olivia Wild tried and failed, and this was the result. Don’t watch this movie.
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Movie Review: Father Stu
I didn’t like Father Stu because it is a boring movie. While it may find its audience within the Catholic community, it won’t find it in most audiences.
Father Stu is the story of how a failed amateur boxer finds his way to the catholic faith. Stu is an alcoholic without any direction. He has big dreams and even bigger ambitions but has an attitude that constantly gets him into trouble. He moves to California to become a movie star, but instead, he finds his way to the Catholic Church. God has different plans for Stu, and after a terrible accident, Stu becomes determined to become a priest. Fate is cruel and his body begins to succumb to a debilitating illness that will one day leave him completely disabled. Will he be able to find strength in his newfound faith, or will the trials prove too difficult?
The only reason I am not madder at this movie is that the cast is fantastic. Mark Wahlberg carries this movie as Stu, but unfortunately, this movie isn’t good enough for him. The plot is rather generic, and the pacing is terrible. It seems like the movie races from trial to trial and rushes to close up all the plot points at the end. Nothing interesting happens despite it having so many subplots. Sure the movie might be mechanically inspiring, but its execution is anything but. This is just another faith movie, but this one has a decent budget and actors.
Father Stu is pro-Catholic propaganda. Stu has to sacrifice so much in his journey in order for him to be rewarded. His journey is used as a way of proving that God will test you constantly, but will reward you if you have faith. There is also enough preaching in between to make this message redundantly clear. The movie also goes out of its way to show its audience how accepting, caring, and helpful the Catholic church is. I was raised Catholic and understand that the church does good for its community, but this was over the top. The movie constantly shoves its righteousness in the audience’s face to the point where I have to question its legitimacy. There is enough controversy surrounding the Catholic church to suggest that it is not as virtuous as this movie so desperately says it to be. I want to be clear, I have nothing against the Catholic faith; this just wasn’t a good movie.
If you are Catholic, Father Stu is an inspiring story about a fallen man finding God. You should watch it. For everyone else, I would probably hold off. But if you are still curious, you can stream it on Netflix.
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