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Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Competition(2018)

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I had to gut this review because every draft before this was too long. I was beginning to nitpick every aspect of this movie out of frustration, but this movie doesn’t deserve it. The Competition is bad and you should avoid it. 

The competition is supposed to be a quirky rom-com about an intelligent woman who views love and relationships scientifically. She creates an arbitrary formula that can predict when a someone will cheat in a relationship, but has never actually tested it. This formula is to the test when she falls in love with a man who was bribed to go out with her. Together they decide to test this formula by trying to trick five different people into cheating on their significant other. The outcome of this test will determine the outcome of their relationship. It is a lot dumber and annoying than you can imagine.  

This writing is terrible, the acting is stiff and awkward, and the plot is pseudoscience garbage. I’m not sure what upsets me more, the lack of science from a movie that desperately tries to convince its audience otherwise, or the irredeemable main characters you are supposed to be rooting for.  

The experiment they have is gross and unethical. This three million dollar idea wouldn’t produce a valid conclusion because the sample size is way too small and the test is heavily skewed to prove her hypothesis. The main character is insufferable. She is cocky and condescending without any real reason other than she’s good at making formulas. The formula behind this whole movie is one with arbitrary variables that she herself gages with a personal scale. This is the dumbest most frustrating movie I’ve seen in a while. It took me multiple breaks to get through this movie and it isn’t worth the trouble. 

You can watch it for free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Dirty Work (1998)

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Dirty Work is a movie about being petty. A man must raise $50000 to pay for life-saving surgery and uses his pettiness to earn it. He and his brother are hired to exact petty revenge. It is a silly movie with a great cast that has aged decently but not without its faults.

While I did enjoy the film, I understand that it isn’t for everyone. The pacing, the jokes, and the tone are an issue. If you offend easy, avoid this movie. While there are some genuinely funny bits in this movie, some of the jokes have not aged well or don’t land. That said, the cast is talented enough to make this movie work. I love the obnoxious and loud tone. I love the petty over-the-top revenge schemes. There is no plot, but there are enough funny moments to keep you entertained. 

I recommend you through this movie on in the background while you work. The plot isn’t engaging enough for your full undivided attention. When the jokes don’t land, it starts to feel like a long movie. While I wouldn’t rush out to go see this, you won’t hate that you watched it. You can watch it free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: I Still See You (2018)

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As far as free teen mystery thrillers go, this one is okay. You will probably forget you watched it after, but there are worse ways to spend two hours. The acting is decent, but both the plot and the twist are predictable. As a teen movie, it hits many of the obligated traps. The edgy brooding teen girl is special because the plot needs her to be. She falls for the mysterious brooding boy because it’s in the script. There are some cheesy moments mixed in throughout because it needs to hit certain story beats. It is better than an average teen movie, but it isn’t winning awards. 

If you do decide to watch this movie, you must suspend all your disbelief. The science is not sound, and the movie will go out of its way to make the plot work. There is a lot of nonsense and inconsistencies in this movie that are hard to ignore because the plot moves so slowly.

I Still See You takes place in Chicago after a catastrophic explosion opens a portal into the spirit world. The dead now roam the world and are visible but intangible to the living. People are doing their best to return to normal life, but it becomes increasingly hard for Bella Thorne. Something is after Bella Thorne, and it is more obvious than you might think.

As far as mysteries go, this one is solvable within the first ten minutes. This might be a symptom of an over-ambitious filmmaker trying too hard to be deep. This movie is littered with clues as it attempts and fails to foreshadow an ending with very little payoff. Either Bella Thorne’s character is truly oblivious or I have been watching too many movies, but the clues aren’t subtle. Either way, whatever suspense and buildup this movie attempts to have wasn’t there for me.

If you are the target audience, you might have a better time with this movie. It isn’t a terrible movie, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it. I would throw this on if I wanted something playing in the background but didn’t want to commit or pay all my attention. There are better movies in the genre, but you can do a lot worse for free. You can find it over on YouTube.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: The Illusionist (2006)

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I thought this movie was fine. The acting is fantastic, but the story isn’t something that excites me. It isn’t bad, but it is what you would expect from any other period romance movie, except this one comes with a twist. If you like period movies, this is a solid one with great actors. If you don’t, it is a little slow and you might lose interest, especially if you figure out the twist ahead of time.

The Illusionist is about a magician who falls in love with a duchess. Their love is forbidden, but they want to be together. He is a skilled magician and his performances garnish a massive following. Does he do real magic or is it all smoke and mirrors? Will they end up together in the end? You will have to watch to find out.

This is a low-budget movie. There are a few scenes where you can clearly tell there wasn’t enough funding, like with the sound, the special effects, and the scenery. But this humbly put-together movie is well done for what it is. It doesn’t need a bigger budget to make this movie better because its greatest assets are its actors. The biggest draw to this movie is the acting. Paul Giamatti easily gives this movie its life, but the rest of the cast isn’t far behind. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch this film, but believe me when I say, there are worst ways to spend two hours.

You can watch this movie for free on YouTube. You can do a lot worse for free.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: Legally Blondes (2009)

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I did not hate this movie as much as I thought I would. Usually, when it comes to sequels, a series loses its magic around the third entry. This is especially true when there is a change in the casting, like there is in this movie. By the third movie, a series becomes a shameless and poorly executed cash grab. I’m looking at you Big Momma’s House 3. I didn’t feel that way about this movie however. While this movie isn’t perfect, it is competently made, and not a bad way to spend two hours. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but you won’t hate that you did.  

This movie focuses on Elle’s twin cousins who move from England to attend a prestigious private high school in Malibu. The local mean girl has taken it upon herself to get rid of the twins in order to hold her reign over the school. This movie is very tweeny, so keep that in mind if you are considering this movie. A lot of this plot is a regurgitation of the original, but translated to a modern high school setting. It hits a lot of the important story beats from the original, but with a much less serious tone. It is really well done for what it is, but it makes it also means that this movie isn’t for everyone. If you are in the target demographic, you might have a lot more fun with this movie.   

Obviously this movie won’t win any awards, but that doesn’t mean it is terrible. For the most part, the translation was properly done. The protagonists were fine, the acting was decent, and the villain was cartoonish but fun. The fact that this was set as a high school drama is limiting for the story, but it is entertaining enough. There are some cringey and sappy elements to this movie, but it fits the tone of the movie.  While it doesn’t capture the magic that Legally Blonde had, it is a nice attempt.  

This movie is fine for a third, but it is made for a certain audience. If you have to watch this with your kids, you won’t hate it. You can watch it for free on YouTube. Trust me, you can do a lot worse for free.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Miss Potter (2016)

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I have never been a fan of biopics, but I’ve been coming around lately. It is safe to assume that maybe it isn’t that I don’t like biopics, but rather that I have never seen any good ones. I believe that Miss Potter is one of the good ones.  

Miss Potter is the dramatization of the life of children’s book author Beatrix Potter. This is an elegantly quirky retelling of the life of a very inspiring woman. It deals with love, loss, and challenging oppressive gender roles. It is well acted, beautifully directed, and very compelling. If you have time on your hands, you should at the very least consider watching this movie.  

I don’t know how historically accurate this film is. I will instead treat this like any other narrative I come across. I thought the characters were perfect. Miss Potter is quirky, strong willed, and very imaginative. I admire the amount of effort she put forth to get her work published considering the challenges she faced due to her sex. It amazes me how much she was able to do in a time when women were under constant pressures to be submissive. It scares me that so many years later, these pressures still exist, even though they might have evolved a bit. It is infuriating to know that the rights and privileges of women are governed by the ego of a few fragile and greedy men. As a society, we must continue to fight and persevere as Miss Potter did. Society will never be perfect, but we can’t keep going backwards.  

Anyways, you can find this movie free on YouTube!  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Here After (2020)

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I had to think hard about whether or not I liked this movie. While it does have its moments, they are overshadowed by this movie’s lazy writing. Here After is one of the laziest romantic comedies I have ever seen. 

Here After is about a romance between a ghost and a living woman. The movie deals with relationships, love, and the afterlife, but it does so ineffectively. It gets incredibly hard to watch with how hard it tries to be a sappy love story.

A lot of the narrative exists within pretentious conversations about life, death, and love. While there are some quirky and fun scenes, the whole movie doesn’t carry this energy. Instead, it becomes another generic and predictable love story. Its desperate attempts to be different sadly cannot hide the fact that this love story has been told better elsewhere.

Micheal and Honey Bee fall in love, but can’t be together. Obviously, this movie will build up a romantic journey just to have Honey Bee die at the end. They have to end up together forever somehow. What makes this movie incredibly lazy is that the only reason that the two can interact is that Honey Bee is also conveniently dying. It’s hard to believe that in New York City, these two can find each other by chance.

My biggest problem with this movie is the inconsistency of the rules for the afterlife. These rules seem to change to fit the narrative or are overlooked by its bad writing. The movie sets up that people cannot die alone. Instead, those who die alone must find a soul mate before they can cross over. Cross over to what? The movie doesn’t specify.

So what are the rules? A soul mate is strictly a romantic partner. What happens to asexual people? Narcissists? What happens if I die and I become best friends with someone? Can we cross over as bros? I love my wife. She is my soulmate. If I die before her, do I automatically pass over? What if she remarries? Do I get yanked out of the other side, forced to seek out a new soul mate?

When a person becomes a ghost, he is removed from all his distracting feelings. These change depending on what the story needs to be, but lust seems to be constant. A ghost whose mind isn’t clouded by a desire for sex is free to find his true love. There are lines of dialogue that contradict this, but no one’s paying that close attention. The ghosts still roam the Earth, but can’t touch or affect the physical world or living people. Unless of course, it is alcohol, glasses containing alcohol, books, and your true love. Like everything, this will change if the plot needs to move forward or there needs to be a cheap laugh.

I am clearly overanalyzing a movie that doesn’t deserve it. I can’t recommend this movie. It is pretentious, lazy, and inconsistent. Even if you like these kinds of movies, I don’t find this love story to be all that inspiring. Micheal has to be reprogrammed in order to find Honey Bee, what happens when he gets those feelings back? Anyways, you can find this movie on YouTube for free. Oh and if you are watching this for Christina Ricci, she is barely in the movie. 

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Apartment 1303 (2012)

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You can watch Apartment 1303 for free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother. The acting is terrible, the sound is bad, and the story isn’t interesting. The movie focuses on two sisters who move into apartment 1303 to get away from a drunk and abusive mother. They live in this apartment at different times, but both will experience the ominous presence of the ghosts that live there. It makes me wonder how this complex exists when half the residents are ghosts. 

Apartment 1303 fails as a horror movie in every regard. The poor acting and lack of any emotion kill any suspense this poorly written movie could have had. Its garbage sound mixing means you hear every breath and rustling in the background, and it gets distracting. The soundtrack is played on a speaker one room over, and once from a pair of wireless headphones. The plot is full of holes and continuity errors. There are lines of dialogue that contradict themselves in the same breath. This movie is lazy, boring, and a huge waste of time.

I do, however, want to take a moment to overanalyze the plot a bit. Usually, in horror movies, a character will make frustratingly incompetent choices that lead to their demise, like staying in an apartment everyone says is haunted. In this movie, I don’t blame the characters for not leaving the apartment. Apartment 1303 is a one-bedroom high-rise apartment in downtown Detroit that is definitely nicer and bigger than the one I am currently living in. The rent was only $700 a month with a full kitchen, a large living room, a full-sized bathtub, and a balcony with a nice view of the lake. I could put aside my fear of ghosts for $700 of rent. The sisters were also escaping an abusive mother who was desperately clinging to her failed career as a singer. I would choose the ghost too, especially after hearing her music. This movie is dumb, but living in the haunted apartment is blameless.

Anyways, this movie is free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother.

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Movie Review: Little Big Soldier (2010)

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Little Big Soldier is one of my favorite Jackie Chan movies. This pseudo-historical twist on an unlikely buddy comedy is a journey you really need to consider. It is a hilarious adventure with a powerful and relevant message. I have watched this movie in both the original Cantonese and its English dubbing. While the dubbing is solid, I prefer the original because there is a lot of emotion that is lost in translation. Not that I understand any Cantonese.

Little Big Soldier is about a farmer who doesn’t want to be a soldier. He uses his wit to survive a bloody battle where he was able to capture an enemy general by chance. He is determined to turn in the enemy general to his own empire so that he may never have to fight in another war. The two start off as enemies, but will reluctantly become friends along the way. 

This movie is a reimagining of historical events, but it also aims to show how meaningless war is. While I can’t speak on its historical accuracy, the narrative is fantastic. The movie does a great job of showing the effects war has on some of the different groups of people in China. From the nomadic tribes to the wondering homeless trying to survive, everyone is affected by the decisions of a few greedy men. It is scary to think a single impulse or feud could uproot and destroy the lives of thousands of people. This movie makes some very powerful criticisms about war while at the same time being silly and entertaining.

You can watch this movie in Cantonese for free on YouTube. You can watch the English dubbing on Peacock with a subscription.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: The Inherited (2016)

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I didn’t know Lifetime made horror movies, but here we have the oddest ghost story you probably shouldn’t watch. I had to take multiple breaks to get through this movie, and it wasn’t worth it. The acting is very stiff and awkward. This kills all suspense; horror movies rely heavily on good suspenseful buildup. At least there aren’t any cheap jump scares. If there are jump scares, they are so poorly done that I didn’t notice. This is a very incompetent movie. The story is full of holes, and it never knows what it wants to be. Is this a movie about murder? A haunting? Spousal abuse? It is dumber than you could imagine.

The inherited is about a newly-wed couple who move into a mansion that the husband inherits. There is something sinister in the house, and it is Tom, the husband. The ghost of Tom’s ex-wife still roams the house, but the worst thing she does is try to open locked doors. Tom, on the other hand, is short-tempered and aggressive. There are a lot of red flags in this relationship, and it is not because the house is haunted. There is a scene in this movie where he is on the verge of hitting Eve because she was voicing that she felt unsafe in the house. I was more worried that Eve was stuck in an abusive relationship than anything the ghost could have done. 

This movie never figures out what it wants to be. It sets up an ominous town with creepy citizens like in Get Out, but they don’t do anything. After investigating Tom’s past, it is implied that he might have murdered his ex-wife, but he didn’t. There is a ghost in the house, but she doesn’t do anything sinester either. It takes an hour for this movie to remember it is horror and by then, there are only 20 minutes left. 

Eve is a dumb character. With possible murder on the table, Eve still doesn’t leave a clearly abusive husband. She gets poisoned, and she still decides to stay and work things out.Then there is ghost who roams the halls. You find out that its the ghost of the ex-wife. This is possibly the most helpful ghost in cinema since Casper. This ghost talks to Eve when she is lonely and even helps with the housework. It is no wonder that in the end, after Tom is murdered, Eve decides to co-parent a child with the ghost. Eve wins this movie. She gets a huge train money inheritance, a nice mansion, and a family. What more can a girl ask for? 

This movie is bonkers, but not in a fun way. It moves too slowly and the acting is terrible. It is free on YouTube, but I would honestly skip it.

Watch it Here!