I love Guillermo del Torro, so I was justifiably excited about his Cabinet of Curiosities on Netflix. What should have been a weird and horrific anthology turned out to be less of a cabinet and more of a junk drawer. The series is a disappointing collection of uninspired and uninteresting stories that were mostly a waste of time.
The series does have its moments, but it suffers from the same affliction most of these horror anthologies do; not all of the stories are interesting. I would argue that the first two episodes hold up the best, but considering the quality of the rest of the show, it isn’t saying much. I would have published this review sooner, but it was a struggle to finish this series. I had to take multiple breaks in order to finish because I kept losing interest. I’ll be honest, I almost gave up, but I powered through and remember some of it. There are episodes in this series that didn’t leave any impression on me, so I can’t bother to remember any specifics.
It is always difficult to recommend horror anthologies because the quality between episodes is never consistent. While some episodes might stand out, the writing and acting aren’t always there for the whole series. Cabinet of Curiosities continues to prove this theory. If you are looking for quality horror set in the mind of Guillermo Del Torro, look elsewhere. Ultimately, this series holds nothing to be curious about, so don’t bother. But to the nonbelievers, you can stream it on Netflix.
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Movie Review: X (2022)
X is a solid slasher film, but it didn’t leave much of an impression. It is a beautifully shot movie with a solid foundation, but it is a slow burn with little payoff. It certainly stands out amongst all the other horror I’ve watched this season. It’s a much better story than Halloween Ends. If you are looking for something to watch and don’t mind the nudity, X is a solid choice. I don’t regret watching this movie, but it isn’t something I will ever be revisiting.
X is about an overly ambitious porn producer and his dream to make the next big porno. He and his cast and crew head to a remote farm in Texas where they will film his first and greatest movie. Filming goes better than expected, but there is something sinister on the farm. Before they can finish their film, the crew begins to get hunted. Will they be able to make it out alive?
This movie is okay. There is enough good with it that you won’t hate it if you watch it. The acting is great, the visuals are fantastic, and the story is fine. The problem most viewers will have with this movie is you have to sit through an hour of people making a porno. It goes without saying, if you don’t like sex and nudity, do not watch this movie.
The movie is a solid addition to the horror genre. There is proper suspense, some creepy scenes, and some fun kills. The problem is that it takes too long to get to the horror. I get that they are trying to create deeper characters and a more meaningful narrative, but it takes away from the horror. Don’t get me wrong, I like that there is an attempt to give slasher movies a stronger narrative, but they haven’t figured out the perfect balance between murder and story. It is a great attempt, but it falls flat.
If you don’t mind the softcore porn and you are patient, sure, it’s something to watch. It clears a very low bar to be better than average. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but it’s fine if you want to kill some time.
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Movie Review: My Best Friend’s Exorcism (2022)
My Best Friend’s Exorcism is a horror comedy that has enough problems with it to make it impossible to recommend. While I am sure a much younger audience will have a better time with this movie, I sure didn’t.
Abby and Gretchen are best friends in their last few months together. Gretchen moves in the summer, and they are willing to make the most of it. They and a group of friends spend a weekend at a cabin where an acid trip ends up being the nightmare that puts this friendship to the test. A demon possesses Gretchen and makes her plot against her friends, alienating her from anyone who can help her exorcise the demon. Will Abby be able to save her friend group from this evil in time, or will the demon claim his victim?
My problem with this movie is that it isn’t good at either of the genres it is trying to fit into. As a comedy, it isn’t funny enough to be worth your time. As a horror movie, it isn’t scary. It tries hard to work within the poorly written teen drama it ends up being, but it never does. The acting is fine but clearly held back by the writing. The plot is dumb, but it does have its moments. The best part of this movie is its soundtrack, but it’s defiantly trying to cash in on the ’80s nostalgia that Stranger Things brought back into pop culture.
What I did like about this movie is how it treats its demon possession. The demon preys on the friend group through sabotage and mind games instead of resorting to gore and gross-out scenes. For example, the demon tricks one of the girls into coming out as a lesbian, then uses her sorrow to almost killing her by nut allergy. It was pretty clever and uncomfortable, but this only makes up a small portion of the film. The rest of the movie lacks this creativity.
My Best Friend’s Exorcism isn’t the worst horror comedy I have seen. It definitely is too quirky for its own good, but it is watchable. I can’t recommend it, however, because it is boring. But to the curious and unbelievers, you can stream it on Amazon Video if you have a Prime Membership.
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Movie Review: Significant Other (2022)
Image by Bingo Naranjo from Pixabay
Don’t waste your time on Significant Other. It is a garbage movie that should have never been made. I don’t know what it is about Paramount, but they don’t seem to understand how to make a proper horror movie.
The movie focuses on a generic couple who go on a camping trip. Alone in the woods, they begin to notice that there is something off. They find strange animal corpses, they see shadows, and it feels like something is watching them. Tensions grow high as the couple’s relationship begins to strain. There are aliens in the woods, and they seem to be after one of them. Will they be able to make it out alive?
It’s a shame that these actors are wasted on such a bad movie. The acting is fine, but everything else is terrible. There is no tension in this film, the buildup makes no sense, the twist is confusing, and the ending is disappointing. I had to rewatch this movie because I thought I missed some important details. I was very confused when the twist came, and I wanted to make sure I gave this film its fair trial. I didn’t miss anything. This movie is just that bad at telling its story.
I feel like a broken record at this point, but nothing happens in this movie. The first thirty minutes of this movie is relationship problems the movie. The boyfriend proposes, but the girl has issues with commitment. The film becomes a lot of awkward conversations in reaction to not accepting the proposal. The movie then tries desperately to be symbolically and suspenseful like Hereditary, but it only slows down the plot. There are a lot of scenes where the camera pans over nature to suggest something sinister is going on when nothing is.
I am going to spoil this movie because I need you to understand my frustration with it. If you are planning to watch this, don’t, but if you insist, stop reading here.
The movie suggests that the drama between the couple stems from unresolved trauma the girl is holding on to. I refuse to use the character names because they are generic and flat. The only defining characteristic for this girl is that she has crippling anxiety. This anxiety creates the strain on their relationship that takes up the first half of the movie. Something happens in the woods that makes the girl become distant. The movie suggests that maybe she was possessed by the aliens, and she pushes her boyfriend off a cliff.
The big twist is that the alien can steal the form of other life forms. With each transformation, the alien also gets the instincts and emotions of the form he takes. This will become important later. The boyfriend had been dead the whole time. The girl had somehow stumbled on the body early on and was acting suspicious because she knew. After the big reveal, the alien stands over the girl ready to claim another victim, but he finds himself frozen, unable to act. He can’t bring himself to kill the girl because he is overwhelmed by his love for her. Instead, he decides to save her from the impending alien invasion. The girl freaks out, and a convenient shark helps her escape again.
The alien can’t die, and he traps her again. The alien takes her form, and as he is about to kill her, the girl overcomes her anxiety and stands up for herself. The alien, on the other hand, is overwhelmed by crippling anxiety and has a panic attack. The girl takes this opportunity to kill the alien. As the girl rides off into the sunset, the movie sequel baits. The alien isn’t dead, and there is an invasion on the way.
I am still struggling to make sense of what I just watched. I am so mad that love saved her the first time and even madder that her anxiety saved her the final time. It’s not a good movie. This is time I will never get back. Don’t waste your time when there are better, more competent horror movies out there. But if you don’t believe me, you can stream it on Paramount+.
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Movie Review: Hellraiser (2022)
I was excited about the new Hellraiser because I loved the original, but I have since exchanged my excitement for disappointment. It is time to let this series die since it has run its course.
The movie focuses on a recovering drug addict who is struggling to get her life back together. Desperate for money, she breaks into an old warehouse where she finds the sinister puzzle box. After a relapse, she solves the puzzle and sets into motion the gruesome events that will change her life forever. The Cenobites are back and are looking to collect souls. Will she be able to make the sacrifices required to wish for her brother back, or will she be another claimed soul?
This movie is slow and dull, but at least the monster designs were interesting. I recommend skipping through any part without the Cenobites because the rest of this story doesn’t deserve your attention. What kills this movie for me is the pacing; it is unbearably slow. The original also has a pacing problem, but it is more interesting.
This movie is gore porn, designed to gross out its audience with gruesome death scenes and disgusting monsters. It doesn’t go as far as it can, and a bit of the gore is held back by its technology. Most of the kills are fine, and some are even creative, but there are some that are rendered poorly. Don’t watch this movie if you are looking for proper gore.
I take issue with this movie’s narrative style. Most of the time I was waiting around for the next death scene. The last fifteen minutes or so fair a bit better than the rest of the movie because that is when the most action happens. The ending has a few lazy twists, some poorly designed tension, and some interesting lore dumps, but nothing really goes out of your way to watch. I just wished the rest of the movie had the same energy as the last bit, it might have fared a little better.
If this movie existed in a vacuum, it would be fine. The acting is decent, and the deaths are solid. But it doesn’t, and there are better options out there. If you need horror movies to fill your Halloween marathon, watch the original instead. Otherwise, be prepared to skip around. You can stream it on Hulu, but I wouldn’t bother.
Movie Review: Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022)
Most people are already done with this IP, but Illumination seems to be determined to milk it for all its worth. While it might not be the best addition to the franchise, The Rise of Gru is certainly one of the better ones. If you have kids, you’ve probably already seen this movie. If you haven’t, you can stream it on Peacock.
The plot is a simple origin story. It focuses on the mentorship of Gru as he comes to his own as a villain, while also establishing him as a sympathetic character. I didn’t feel like it added much to the lore or did anything worthwhile, but I didn’t hate it.
This movie doesn’t do anything special, and I would only recommend it if you have kids. The voice acting is mostly solid and I enjoy the art style. It is hard to write too much about this movie because you’ve seen this type of origin story done many times. There were some cute moments in this movie that help The Rise of Gru stand out among the rest of these movies, but nothing I would rush to see.
If you are looking for something to throw on for a family movie night, this is a solid option. If you are looking for something to throw on in the background, why not. Otherwise, you can probably live without it. You can stream it on Peacock.
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Movie Review: I Used to be Famous (2022)
This movie was okay. I Used to Be Famous is certainly the last resort movie, something you throw on when you have absolutely nothing else to watch. While it isn’t a terrible movie, it is forgettable. This movie relies too heavily on trying to elicit feelings of sympathy and warmth towards a heartwarming friendship that frankly has been done better elsewhere. This is an okay option to throw on when you don’t want to be fully invested in a story.
The story is about a failed boy band artist Vince who is trying to regain his glory days. While he may still feel the music, he finds himself blocked from creating the next hit that will revive his career. This all changes when he meets an unlikely friend in Stevie, a boy with autism who likes to play the drums. Together they begin to make inspired music that begins to open doors for them, but this isn’t without its challenges. Eventually, Vince realizes that he no longer wishes to use his music to seek fame but to help people heal. It is as sappy and cheesy as it sounds.
There isn’t anything objectively wrong with this movie. The acting and story are fine, but the music isn’t. While I can appreciate the chemistry between the actors, it was hard to sit through the concerts. As much as this movie tries to make it seem like the music made is an instant hit, it’s not. This won’t ruin the experience, but it does emphasize this movie’s cheesiness. It is a fine story about friendship, but it isn’t a big impression. Peanut Butter Falcon does it a lot better.
You can stream this movie on Netflix. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but you won’t hate it if you do.
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Movie Review: Lou (2022)
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As far as cheap and generic action movies go, Lou fairs a little better, but I still can’t recommend it. I am sure there is an audience for these types of movies, but they haven’t found any in my home.
Lou is about a recluse who lives in the woods and hunts for her food. The movie starts as she is about to commit suicide, but her attempt is interrupted by her one and only neighbor. Her neighbor’s daughter has been kidnapped, and Lou takes it upon herself to track down the kidnappers and save the little girl. The problem is, there is a storm shaking the island, and her arthritis is flaring up. Will she be able to save the little girl before the arteritis takes her hands?
This movie was average at best but never worth your time. The acting is average, with Lou being the best actor. The other characters try their hardest, but the writing doesn’t do much to help them. The plot is simple and linear, and the action isn’t fun or exciting.
I am not sure how I feel about this trend of older action heroes. I am glad that actors are no longer type-casted into the grandparent role, but I don’t think they’ve figured out the formula to make them work. Granted, these movies aren’t made for me, but it is still a valid opinion. At least this one was more realistic. It makes me nervous for the final Halloween movie seeing how the last movie was over-the-top ridiculous. I have nothing against Jamie Lee Curtis, but she had Micheal Meyers level of resilience to knife wounds; that is a hard truth to accept.
It is hard to say anything more about this movie because it just exists without leaving much of an impression. When there isn’t any action, I was trapped watching two women hiking through the woods, bonding due to circumstances. It may not be the worst action movie, but it is forgettable. You can stream it on Netflix.
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Destroy All Humans 2 Video Review
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Movie Review: Drifting Home (2022)
Drifting Home is a cute coming-of-age story that deals with grief and loss. I wasn’t ready for the emotional journey this movie was about to take me on, but I am glad I was there for it. Even if you aren’t a fan of Anime, you should check out this film.
Kosuke and Natsume are two kids who lived together due to their circumstances. They were best friends and did everything together. This all changes when Kosuke’s grandfather dies, breaking up the long-existing friendship. Now they only speak to each other when necessary. Unknown forces whisk the pair and a group of friends away and drop them on top of an endless ocean, floating on top of the decrepit apartment they grew up in. The building floats aimlessly, and the kids must band together to survive till rescue comes. If it ever comes that is. Will the kids survive the journey and find a way back home?
I will be rewatching this film regularly. It has become one of my favorite animated films in recent memory. The art is beautiful, the dubbing is fantastic, and the story is cute and compelling. The endless drifting at sea is a perfect metaphor for the kid’s feelings, as they struggle to cope with complex emotions such as grief and loss. The journey acts as the catalyst that will help the kids work through their troubles. It is a well-written journey that will have you sobbing at points but ultimately leave you smiling. Drifting Home is a unique take on a human experience we are all familiar with, making it relatable to all audiences.
Above all, Floating Home is fantasy done right. This is a fun and fantastical world that is well-built and developed. It makes for a fantastic adventure that will have you at the edge of your seat. This isn’t going to be a movie you can only watch once. If you haven’t seen it, I ask you to add it to your watch list and thank me later. You can stream it on Netflix.
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