I finally got around to watching the movie Nope. I tried watching it multiple times when it was in theaters, but it never worked out. After watching it today, however, I am glad it never worked out. This movie is not worth the ticket price.
Nope is a horror movie about aliens who terrorize a small horse ranch. The struggling rancher’s life is turned upside down when an alien makes a nest for itself on his property. Horses go missing, objects fall from the sky, and electricity goes out from time to time. Now OJ, his sister, and a small team gather on this ranch to obtain proof of life beyond the stars. Will they be able to do it, or will they be another unexplained disappearance?
This movie is painfully slow as it builds up to a disappointing ending. The acting is great, and there are some pretty visuals, but there isn’t enough to this movie to have you rushing to watch it. I have seen most of Peele’s movies, and it seems to be a common thread that his movies are just okay at best and complete disappointments at their worst. Looking at you Wendell & Wild. Peel is good at creating beautiful and scary moments, but he isn’t good at creating whole narratives. I can point to specific scenes in all his movies that show promise, but he isn’t able to achieve this level of promise in a whole movie. Peele either doesn’t know how to end his stories, or they are just boring. He might find better success in a shorter format.
The worst part about Nope is its pacing. The first hour or so is a build-up to an alien reveal that is both ugly and disappointing. The first half of the movie deals heavily with a lot of family and personal drama that gets thrown out the window as soon as it remembers it is an alien movie. It doesn’t help that it will reference better movies along the way. I get that he might be trying to show how small problems are in the grand scheme of things, but it is boring to watch.
This isn’t a terrible movie. The acting is fantastic, and the chemistry between the stars is amazing, but they deserve better. There are some really cool visuals and a couple of terrifying scenes that may complicate my disappointment, but it doesn’t cure it. I look forward to the day when Peele can find the perfect balance between visual, narrative, and horror.
If you haven’t watched the movie and are on the fence, don’t bother. If you are a fan of his work, you might have a better time than I did, but I feel that Nope is one of his weaker films. I wouldn’t pay money to watch it. You can find it on Peacock November 18. For those who can’t wait, you can rent it on Amazon with through my affiliate link.
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Movie Review: Barbarian (2022)
In a surprising and satisfying conclusion to the Halloween season, I watched Barbarian and loved it. This fantastic and thrilling film is perfect for the next time you are in the mood for some solid horror. While I am glad I didn’t watch it in theaters, this is a great movie to stream from the comfort of your own home.
Tess books an Airbnb only to find that the property has been double booked. She finds a strange man named Keith who has already made himself at home. With no other option available, Tess decides to spend the night and deal with the management in the morning. The situation is uncomfortable at first, but Tess eventually begins to find comfort in the situation. But there is something ominous lurking in the shadows that slowly begins to eat away at this newfound confidence. What is this presence that haunts Tess? Is it Keith? Is it Ghosts? You will need to watch to find out.
This movie is fine. It is a lot better than a lot of the horror I saw this season. The acting is great, the story is decent, and it had a generally creepy tone that had me properly on edge. It might not be the best story, but it is a solid experience.
I liked the structure of the movie. The movie jumps between a few different stories that all neatly come together at the end. There are some parts that feel fragmented and rushed, but it stands as a solid example of how complex narrative can be. I also liked that the backstories didn’t drag on for too long. It is always frustrating to watch a horror movie that is mostly backstory or set up, with only the last thirty minutes or so dedicated to any meaningful horror. Barbarian is able to create an interesting story while holding onto a general creepy tone. My only issue is with the ending. The events unfold a bit too quickly and cartoonishly. It wasn’t enough to ruin the experience, but it is a fact that holds the movie back.
All in all, Barbarian is a solid horror movie. It doesn’t set out to redefine the genre, but it sits comfortably within it. You can stream it now on HBO.
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Series Review: Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities 2022
I love Guillermo del Torro, so I was justifiably excited about his Cabinet of Curiosities on Netflix. What should have been a weird and horrific anthology turned out to be less of a cabinet and more of a junk drawer. The series is a disappointing collection of uninspired and uninteresting stories that were mostly a waste of time.
The series does have its moments, but it suffers from the same affliction most of these horror anthologies do; not all of the stories are interesting. I would argue that the first two episodes hold up the best, but considering the quality of the rest of the show, it isn’t saying much. I would have published this review sooner, but it was a struggle to finish this series. I had to take multiple breaks in order to finish because I kept losing interest. I’ll be honest, I almost gave up, but I powered through and remember some of it. There are episodes in this series that didn’t leave any impression on me, so I can’t bother to remember any specifics.
It is always difficult to recommend horror anthologies because the quality between episodes is never consistent. While some episodes might stand out, the writing and acting aren’t always there for the whole series. Cabinet of Curiosities continues to prove this theory. If you are looking for quality horror set in the mind of Guillermo Del Torro, look elsewhere. Ultimately, this series holds nothing to be curious about, so don’t bother. But to the nonbelievers, you can stream it on Netflix.
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Movie Review: Pearl (2022)
Pearl is the unnecessary prequel to the horror movie X. While I did enjoy it more than the original, it doesn’t add anything new to the narrative. Both of these movies seem to exist as separate stories in the same universe, so it doesn’t matter in which order you watch them. The only tangible connection between these movies is a few scattered references that aren’t very important to your understanding of the plot. These connections seemed more like Easter eggs than actual plot points.
Pearl is the story of a young and troubled farm girl with big dreams. Pearl wants to be a movie star so that others will love her, but she is bound by her duty to her family and farm and is incapable of pursuing her dreams. Trapped on this farm, Pearl becomes frustrated and angry that she can’t have the life she dreams about. The movie focuses on how Pearl deals with her frustrations and mounting anger.
Overall, this movie was okay. The acting is fantastic, the tone is fun, and the story is fine. Pearl is an interesting character, and Mia Goth carries this movie. There are some very intense scenes that are only possible because Goth is amazing. I love the quirky tone of the narrative. It creates a nice contrast to the dark themes this movie plays with, and it gives the film its unique flavor.
Pearl isn’t a bad origin story, there have been far worse attempts this year, but it wasn’t necessary. It doesn’t add anything to the universe. Watching them back to back made me appreciate Pearl a bit more because the story was better, but I don’t feel like I have more complete experience having watched both.
If you are looking for a horror movie to watch, Pearl is a solid choice. Pearl is a unique entry into the genre that you should at least watch for the experience. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, it isn’t that special, but you won’t hate it if you do. I am glad I watched this movie, but I wouldn’t watch it again.
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Movie Review: X (2022)
X is a solid slasher film, but it didn’t leave much of an impression. It is a beautifully shot movie with a solid foundation, but it is a slow burn with little payoff. It certainly stands out amongst all the other horror I’ve watched this season. It’s a much better story than Halloween Ends. If you are looking for something to watch and don’t mind the nudity, X is a solid choice. I don’t regret watching this movie, but it isn’t something I will ever be revisiting.
X is about an overly ambitious porn producer and his dream to make the next big porno. He and his cast and crew head to a remote farm in Texas where they will film his first and greatest movie. Filming goes better than expected, but there is something sinister on the farm. Before they can finish their film, the crew begins to get hunted. Will they be able to make it out alive?
This movie is okay. There is enough good with it that you won’t hate it if you watch it. The acting is great, the visuals are fantastic, and the story is fine. The problem most viewers will have with this movie is you have to sit through an hour of people making a porno. It goes without saying, if you don’t like sex and nudity, do not watch this movie.
The movie is a solid addition to the horror genre. There is proper suspense, some creepy scenes, and some fun kills. The problem is that it takes too long to get to the horror. I get that they are trying to create deeper characters and a more meaningful narrative, but it takes away from the horror. Don’t get me wrong, I like that there is an attempt to give slasher movies a stronger narrative, but they haven’t figured out the perfect balance between murder and story. It is a great attempt, but it falls flat.
If you don’t mind the softcore porn and you are patient, sure, it’s something to watch. It clears a very low bar to be better than average. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but it’s fine if you want to kill some time.
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Series Review: The Watcher (2022)
The Watcher is a suspenseful drama full of fantastic actors that is fine at first, but it certainly overstays its welcome. I was fully invested for the first half of the series, but the show becomes tedious towards the end. It isn’t a bad show, and you won’t hate it if you sit through it, but it should have been shorter.
The Watcher is a series based on the real events of a family being sent threatening letters when they move to the suburbs of New Jersey. Strange things start to happen to the family as they attempt to settle into their new lives. There is an ominous force messing with the family. The family grows increasingly paranoid as they desperately try to determine the cause of the unexplainable events in the house. Will they ever find the cause of all this evil?
I have mixed feelings about this series because the pacing is terrible, and the ending is disappointing. I think Netflix was trying to drag this series out, as most streaming services do with their original content, to keep people watching. The slow pacing hurts the narrative, making it hard to recommend. There is too much build-up to an ending that doesn’t deliver a satisfying conclusion. The last two episodes are pointless and add little to the story. This series should need to be condensed to be a more effective narrative
Toward the end, the series gets repetitive. The couple will get a clue and follow the lead toward a big confrontation only to be proven wrong by a new lead. This keeps happening to the point where I grew tired of the couple and as a result, less sympathetic. The Watcher does a fantastic job at showing the growing obsession and paranoia in the family, but it does a terrible job unfolding its mystery. This puts me in a weird place because I love the initial presentation, but hate how diluted it becomes.
If you have nothing else to watch, this is a good choice. Just be aware of its faults. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it, but you can stream it on Netflix.
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Movie Review: The Curse of Bridge Hollow (2022)
The Curse of Bridge Hollow might be one of the most unfunny and stiff horror comedies I have seen this year. It is very forgettable. If this movie comes up as a recommendation, ignore it.
Another generic family moves to a new city to start a new life, but the house they move into is shrouded with mystery and ominous energy. Their lives change when the generic daughter character unleashes a curse on the city that brings all the Halloween decorations to life. She and her daughter must free the town of this curse before it unleashes a great evil into the world. But before they can deal with the curse, they must first fix their relationship. Can they do so before midnight on Halloween?
The Curse on Bridge Hollow is poorly written and acted waste of time. There is no chemistry between the leads, and it makes all the banter and dialogue painful to get through. A movie like this that focuses so much on intrapersonal conflicts needs better leads with better chemistry. Everything about this movie is stiff, and as a result, none of the jokes, one-liners, or emotional moments work. There is no reason to watch this movie, even if you like making fun of bad movies.
The plot of this story is basic at best. You’ve seen this story play out better anywhere else, but this story is beyond redundant as it follows a tiring formula. The daughter and father would go to the next scene, they would have an argument about how controlling the father is only to be interrupted by the animated decorations. The father begins to see that his daughter is competent, they have a small emotional moment and move to the next scene to do it all again. The only difference between the scenes is the terrible jokes and the poorly delivered one-liners for each situation.
I don’t think they had enough ideas for this movie because there is a bit of filler. There is a painfully unfunny recurring bit about the mom’s terrible baking. The mom would push her vegan goods on people only to have them reject them out of disgust. This plot point came back so often that I thought it was going to be the ex-Machina that would save the world from the curse, thankfully, it wasn’t. Although now thinking about it, it would make for a much better conclusion. Unfortunately, this joke was the best attempt at storytelling this movie has. This unfunny baking bit is the only plot point that gets a proper conclusion.
It took several sittings to get through this movie because it was so boring. This season hasn’t been good for Halloween movies, and I can only hope there is some hidden gem on the horizon. Until then, I will keep sifting the genre in hopes of finding anything worth watching. Until then, skip this movie. But if you don’t believe me, you can stream this on Netflix.
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Image by HANSUAN FABREGAS from Pixabay
Movie Review: Halloween Ends (2022)
This series should have ended with the last movie. There is no reason for this movie to exist except to make money, but you shouldn’t give it any of yours. If you want to indulge in someone else’s self-serving terrible vision, this is the movie for you. But if you are trying to watch some good horror for Halloween, watch anything else.
Halloween Ends is the conclusion to the Michael Meyers saga that no one asked for. This is possibly the dullest and most uninspired slasher movie I have seen this year, and I just watched Jeepers Creepers: Rebirth. There are many issues with this movie, but the biggest one is that nothing happens. I like that there has been a trend to give horror movies proper plots, but please make it interesting. There is nothing interesting about this sequel. The first half of this movie is wasted on a relationship no one cares about. There are maybe 15 minutes where the slasher movie exists, but the rest is just pointless filler. The slasher bits aren’t even fun, most of the kills happen off-camera or too quickly to matter.
The biggest issue I have with this movie is with overbearing narration that refuses to go away. I am sorry, but I came here expecting to watch a slasher film, not to listen to a terrible audiobook. All the narration in this movie comes in the form of a fake book Jamie Lee Curtis is writing that only seems to be repeating her big speech from the last movie. You even get to watch her write the book in real-time. How exciting is that? I am very upset that this movie is desperate to convince its audience that the Halloween series is some deep allegory for the human condition when it has never been about that. It is completely self-serving and takes away from the only reason people would go watch this dumb movie.
The other issue I have with this movie is how inhuman they make Meyers be. This film feathers an immortal, omniscient, and teleporting Michael who terrorizes the town until he gets to Jamie Lee Curtis. They make it a point to show that he is unstoppable, but then he is easily and anti-climactically stopped by an injured woman and her granddaughter. I don’t even have the words to express my disappointment.
I can only hope that this is truly the end of this series, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they reincarnate him for another terrible reboot. I am not surprised that this disappointing reboot got such a disappointing ending, but it does hurt that I wasted my time on it. Don’t watch this movie in theaters when you can stream it on Peacock. Don’t stream it on Peacock because it is a complete waste of time.
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Image Source: By Universal Pictures – https://www.universalpictures.com/movies/halloween-ends, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=71346881
Movie Review: Jeepers Creepers:Reborn (2022)
They should let the Jeepers Creepers series die already. We haven’t gotten a good one in years, and Jeepers Creepers Reborn isn’t the rebirth the series was hoping for. This cheap and uninspired sequel is better left forgotten and ignored. If you are searching for a movie to add to your Halloween marathon, please look elsewhere.
The film focuses on a couple that is on the verge of a life-changing moment. While the boyfriend plans a proposal, the girlfriend plans a pregnancy announcement. The plan is to make a big reveal at possibly the worst rave/Halloween festival put on screen. But before the couple can start the next phase of their lives, they must survive Jeepers Creepers. Will they survive? You will never know because you aren’t watching this garbage.
There is so much wrong with this movie that I am not sure where to start. The acting is bad, the writing is worse, and the plot doesn’t matter. I am convinced that whoever wrote this script has never held a real conversation or knows how real people speak. The dialogue is unreal, and a lot of it is used as lazy exposition because the filmmakers aren’t competent enough to show and not tell. The actors seem to be trying their hardest to make it work, but it’s hard to tell because the script doesn’t do them any favors.
The biggest issue with the plot is that it doesn’t exist. You get to sit through a boring rave before anything starts to happen. There is a changing montage in this movie to distract the audience from the fact that there isn’t enough plot for a movie. All this does is make me wish I was watching anything else. When Jeepers Creepers finally decides to come out, you are already halfway done with the movie. There was a convoluted cult subplot that was somehow integral to the film that I completely forgot about because this movie sucks at storytelling. What makes me the maddest about this whole experience is that this movie has the gal to sequel bait. They should just let this series die because they have clearly run out of ideas.
I assume this movie was a tax write-off. I refuse to believe that a group of people’s vision was to make something this terrible on purpose. If you see this movie in the wild, avoid it at all costs.
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Game Review: Lovecraft’s Untold Stories 2
I want to start out by saying that I got this game as a review code and while I am grateful for the opportunity, I will not let that sway my opinion. This will be an honest review of the game.
Lovecraft Untold Stories 2 is a 2D isometric dungeon crawler for pc based on Lovecraft lore. You start off choosing from three playable characters: the witch, the professor, and the detective. Each character has its own unique abilities, armor, and weapons. You control your character through randomly generated dungeons as you try to solve a mystery.
I was very excited about this game. I liked the art, I liked that the cutscenes were comic-like, and I had fun at the intro level. But once you get out of the intro mission, the game becomes frustratingly unplayable. Movement becomes clunky and slow in the cluttered rooms. I was constantly getting stuck on boxes, holes, and trees, making kiting enemies virtually impossible. To make matters worse, I was getting stuck on the invisible boundaries of boxes and trees. The witch has a cool teleport ability that could pass through enemies but would get stuck on invisible artifacts. I died so many times because my teleport was constantly being canceled by nothing. There are instances where I would teleport only to be trapped in between an inescapable grouping of trees. When the environment is more deadly than the enemies, that is bad game design.
I thought the randomly generated dungeons were cool at first, but that view quickly turned sour. I quickly learned that the room generation was quite unbalanced. Some rooms were laughably easy, with only two enemies standing in my way. Others were impossibly hard, with too many enemies and no way to escape. There was one room I couldn’t even complete because there was a wall blocking the exit. I love the randomness of life as much as any other gamer, but this experience was frustrating.
The insanity mechanic is nonsense. If you get hit by an enemy, you slowly get stacks of insanity. If you get too many, you die. The problem is, there is no clear indication of how much insanity you have, nor is there an easy way to clear it. Because the environment made movement difficult, it was impossible to clear a level without getting stacks of insanity. You either got killed because you got stuck trying to run away, or you died because you gathered too much insanity. This poorly designed mechanic made this game harder than it should be.
I was beyond excited about this game because it reminds me of the Arkham Horror board game. I have been desperately trying to find a group to play with, and I believed this game would be my only chance. The disappointment I collected from this game was so painful, I couldn’t muster the strength to finish this game. I forced myself to play as much as I could, but I can only be so patient. This game is broken to the point where you won’t get any meaningful enjoyment out of it. Lovecraft Untold Stories 2 isn’t worth your time as a free game, let alone the $25 it is asking for. But if you don’t believe me, you can buy it on steam.
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