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Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Significant Other (2022)

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Don’t waste your time on Significant Other. It is a garbage movie that should have never been made. I don’t know what it is about Paramount, but they don’t seem to understand how to make a proper horror movie.

The movie focuses on a generic couple who go on a camping trip. Alone in the woods, they begin to notice that there is something off. They find strange animal corpses, they see shadows, and it feels like something is watching them. Tensions grow high as the couple’s relationship begins to strain. There are aliens in the woods, and they seem to be after one of them. Will they be able to make it out alive?

It’s a shame that these actors are wasted on such a bad movie. The acting is fine, but everything else is terrible. There is no tension in this film, the buildup makes no sense, the twist is confusing, and the ending is disappointing. I had to rewatch this movie because I thought I missed some important details. I was very confused when the twist came, and I wanted to make sure I gave this film its fair trial. I didn’t miss anything. This movie is just that bad at telling its story.

I feel like a broken record at this point, but nothing happens in this movie. The first thirty minutes of this movie is relationship problems the movie. The boyfriend proposes, but the girl has issues with commitment. The film becomes a lot of awkward conversations in reaction to not accepting the proposal. The movie then tries desperately to be symbolically and suspenseful like Hereditary, but it only slows down the plot. There are a lot of scenes where the camera pans over nature to suggest something sinister is going on when nothing is. 

I am going to spoil this movie because I need you to understand my frustration with it. If you are planning to watch this, don’t, but if you insist, stop reading here.

The movie suggests that the drama between the couple stems from unresolved trauma the girl is holding on to. I refuse to use the character names because they are generic and flat. The only defining characteristic for this girl is that she has crippling anxiety. This anxiety creates the strain on their relationship that takes up the first half of the movie. Something happens in the woods that makes the girl become distant. The movie suggests that maybe she was possessed by the aliens, and she pushes her boyfriend off a cliff.

The big twist is that the alien can steal the form of other life forms. With each transformation, the alien also gets the instincts and emotions of the form he takes. This will become important later. The boyfriend had been dead the whole time. The girl had somehow stumbled on the body early on and was acting suspicious because she knew. After the big reveal, the alien stands over the girl ready to claim another victim, but he finds himself frozen, unable to act. He can’t bring himself to kill the girl because he is overwhelmed by his love for her. Instead, he decides to save her from the impending alien invasion. The girl freaks out, and a convenient shark helps her escape again. 

The alien can’t die, and he traps her again. The alien takes her form, and as he is about to kill her, the girl overcomes her anxiety and stands up for herself. The alien, on the other hand, is overwhelmed by crippling anxiety and has a panic attack. The girl takes this opportunity to kill the alien. As the girl rides off into the sunset, the movie sequel baits. The alien isn’t dead, and there is an invasion on the way.

I am still struggling to make sense of what I just watched. I am so mad that love saved her the first time and even madder that her anxiety saved her the final time. It’s not a good movie. This is time I will never get back. Don’t waste your time when there are better, more competent horror movies out there. But if you don’t believe me, you can stream it on Paramount+.

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Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Hellraiser (2022)

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I was excited about the new Hellraiser because I loved the original, but I have since exchanged my excitement for disappointment. It is time to let this series die since it has run its course.

The movie focuses on a recovering drug addict who is struggling to get her life back together. Desperate for money, she breaks into an old warehouse where she finds the sinister puzzle box. After a relapse, she solves the puzzle and sets into motion the gruesome events that will change her life forever. The Cenobites are back and are looking to collect souls. Will she be able to make the sacrifices required to wish for her brother back, or will she be another claimed soul?

This movie is slow and dull, but at least the monster designs were interesting. I recommend skipping through any part without the Cenobites because the rest of this story doesn’t deserve your attention. What kills this movie for me is the pacing; it is unbearably slow. The original also has a pacing problem, but it is more interesting.

This movie is gore porn, designed to gross out its audience with gruesome death scenes and disgusting monsters. It doesn’t go as far as it can, and a bit of the gore is held back by its technology. Most of the kills are fine, and some are even creative, but there are some that are rendered poorly. Don’t watch this movie if you are looking for proper gore.

I take issue with this movie’s narrative style. Most of the time I was waiting around for the next death scene. The last fifteen minutes or so fair a bit better than the rest of the movie because that is when the most action happens. The ending has a few lazy twists, some poorly designed tension, and some interesting lore dumps, but nothing really goes out of your way to watch. I just wished the rest of the movie had the same energy as the last bit, it might have fared a little better.

If this movie existed in a vacuum, it would be fine. The acting is decent, and the deaths are solid. But it doesn’t, and there are better options out there. If you need horror movies to fill your Halloween marathon, watch the original instead. Otherwise, be prepared to skip around. You can stream it on Hulu, but I wouldn’t bother.

Series Reviews

Series Review: The Midnight Club

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The Midnight Club is a huge waste of time. Even if you enjoy horror anthologies and mysteries, this is a very weak entry into either genre. I wouldn’t bother with this series even for the morbid curiosity.

The Midnight Club is a collection of poorly written and acted ghost stories that exist within a mystery. In a hospice designed for teens with terminal diseases, a club was formed to help cope with the ever-looming death around them. The teens gather every night to tell ghost stories and blow off steam. But there is something sinister is afoot. The teens see ghosts and hear voices that aren’t there. There is something about a cult, but I honestly stopped caring pretty early on. 

The acting is bad, and somehow the writing is worse. Scenes that exist outside of the ghost stories fair a little better, but barely. The biggest issue I have with this series is with the ghost stories. The stories are generic, and often parodies of better horror stories or movies. This would be fine if the intention was to parody, but it isn’t. This is a serious attempt at horror with very little value. Each story comes with an overbearing and poorly read narration that kills any tension the story could have. Some of the stories recap events that have occurred in the series, making this a redundant and uninteresting mess. 

I wouldn’t mind if this show was a horror anthology if there wasn’t so much narration. I wouldn’t mind the stories if they didn’t take away from the overarching mystery. This series feels like several different shows, and none of it is cohesive. I often forgot there was a mystery tying the series together. I can’t tell you how many times I almost gave up on this series because nothing of note ever happens. This series has ghosts, tragic backstories, cults, death, and none of it matters.

The pacing is terrible. There is a lot of filler in this series. Most of it comes from the ghost stories, but there is a fair amount of self-service. The ghost stories are often interrupted by snide remarks or criticism from the other characters, and it kills any suspense the stories have. There are minutes dedicated after the stories to remark on how great the story and storyteller are. The main character won’t go an episode without talking about how smart and talented she is. It is infuriating how pretentious these characters can be. 

The series does have a few interesting moments. I liked how the kids dealt with their mortality and talked about their illnesses. There are some interesting conversations about the social struggles they face due to their illness, but there isn’t enough to make it worth your time. Other than their illnesses, the characters have no depth to them. 

Don’t watch this show because it is bad. The characters are flat, the plot doesn’t matter, and the acting isn’t even good. But if you don’t believe me, check it out on Netflix.

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Series Reviews

Series Review: Devil in Ohio (2022)

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This series is average at best, but I don’t believe it’s earned a recommendation. If you are looking for something to throw on and not be invested in, there are still better options. If you are looking for a creepy satanic cult series, look elsewhere. This series has a deep focus on high school and family drama, and it eventually remembers its cult roots.

Devil in Ohio is about a family that takes in a mysterious girl who has escaped a cult. While she is trying to adjust to normal life, strange things begin to happen. Not everyone trusts Mae, but the matriarch will go out of her way to save her. Is Mae the sweet and innocent girl she seems to be, or is something sinister brewing?

This series wastes a lot of time on the drama that I didn’t care for. The acting is average at best, making the drama even harder to sit through. Mae is by far the only interesting character in this series, and she deserves better. I liked how she was constantly conflicted about acting on her own or acting as she was raised. Watching her begin to build her own identity was an interesting narrative, but one that wasn’t explored to its full potential. They of course ruin her development towards the end when they remembered they were making a horror series.

I didn’t care for the rest of the family. Most of them had no personality and would only appear for their mandatory appearance. There was really no reason for having a family this big. Most of the drama was fabricated only as a means to drag out the series, and none of it is meaningful. This series feels longer than it is.

In the end, I can’t really recommend this show because it isn’t good. With Halloween coming up, you shouldn’t add this to your marathon. You can stream it on Netflix, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch it.

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Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Don’t Worry Darling (2022)

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Don’t Worry Darling is a huge waste of time, don’t watch it in theaters. This film’s abysmal failure was rightfully predicted when the only news coming out nearing its release was about the drama that surrounded the filming. If this amateur attempt at horror doesn’t ruin Olivia Wild’s directing career, nothing will.

Don’t Worry Darling is about a dystopian desert community that is themed after the 1950’s American nuclear family fantasy. The men all work at a factory where what they do is a secret. The women are homemakers who look after the house and their husband’s every need. Everything seems perfect at the Valor project. Food is plentiful, there is a lot to do, and everything is perfect. But there is something sinister happening in the desert, and Alice is the only one who suspects such. Alice seeks answers, but the answers she seeks begin to unravel her world. It seems like her life at the Valor project isn’t as perfect as it seems.

Don’t Worry Darling is two hours where nothing happens. The first half hour is dedicated to Harry Styles making out with Alice, while the rest of the run time is padded with more fan service and fake deep sequences. If this movie dedicated as much time to developing its plot as it did with Mr. Styles, this could have been an actual movie. Instead, Don’t Worry Darling is a superficial attempt at replicating a better horror film.

The biggest problem with this movie is that there isn’t enough tension. The editing, the bizarre directing choices, and the acting 

aren’t able to make this work. The acting is very inconsistent. In some scenes, the writing and the acting come together nicely and give the audience the false hope that the movie might get better. Most scenes, however, feel as if the actors are struggling to remember the lines they were given minutes before filming. It doesn’t help that most characters are poorly written cardboard cutouts of people. The cast does its best, but nothing can save this atrocity to film.

This is the part of the review where I will spoil the movie. If you are planning to watch it, don’t, but this is a good place to stop. You’ve been warned.

The movie is all set up, full of scenes that take way too long and symbols that overstay their welcome. With all this setup, the big defining twist still manages to come as a surprise. This whole movie exists as a simulation, and only the men know the truth. The women on the other hand have been reprogrammed to believe in the simulation and be perfect housewives. The idea is cool. In the hands of a competent director, this could have been a good movie, but it’s not. 

Don’t Worry Darling’s follies make this movie anti-climactic. The villain is poorly written and without any presence. I forgot Chris Pine was even in this movie until he would show up for some poorly written moments. The only reason I knew he was the villain was that he was nearly always accompanied by ominous music. Alice on the other hand suffers from magical competence. She knows something is wrong and knows what to do because the script and director say so. Most events in this movie happen for the same reason. You can argue that it was all programmed to happen, but this movie isn’t good enough for that explanation. As a result, I never cared when Alice was in danger because I knew ex-Machina would save the day.

Instead of wasting so much time on symbolism and fan service, it should have spent time developing its mystery and gas-lighting Alice. There should have been more clues to suggest that this was a simulation. There should have been more meaningful interactions between Alice in the world; maybe it wouldn’t feel so frustratingly magical. There should have been a better director. Olivia Wild tried and failed, and this was the result. Don’t watch this movie. 

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Series Reviews

Series Review – Roar (2022)

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Roar is a horror anthology series on Apple TV that deals with women’s issues. Each episode is a different scary story that tackles a specific issue. The show deals with subjects like discrimination, sexism, and abuse, to name a few. If you like shows like Black Mirror, you might enjoy this more than I did. Ultimately, while many of the concepts were interesting, I was left with a disappointment that makes it impossible for me to recommend this show.

There are a few technical issues that are hard to ignore with the acting and writing, but ultimately the show’s biggest issues are with the pacing and endings. The endings ruin this show for me. The show does a decent job at setting up an interesting narrative, only to fall flat as it struggles to achieve its empowering and happy ending. As a result, this show becomes very preachy, and the narrative suffers for it. I don’t mind morals of female empowerment, but in Roar, it seems forced and out of place.

Each episode is limited by the same simple formula. A woman encounters an issue that gets personified into some kind of magical and inexplicable presence. The presence can be a disease, a person, or even a monster. The idea is that the issue the protagonist faces is tangible and something they can overcome. There is some solid setup and buildup, but it is all wasted on some ex-Machina. The protagonist will always easily overcome their ordeal, and the episodes will sort of just end. It is very anti-climactic and a waste of some interesting concepts. It also creates an issue with the pacing that I cannot overlook. Halfway through the episodes it feels like there is a sudden rush towards a happy ending. 

As is tradition with these types of shows, not all the stories are good. Some stand out, but it is always a gamble on what you are going to get. If you enjoy this type of storytelling, you might have a better time than I did. I would suggest you skip it because none of the stories are good enough to earn a recommendation.   

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Movie Review: Mad God (2022)

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Mad God was the last movie I watched with my trial to the shudder streaming service and it has left me speechless. This innovative and creative journey through a confusing and nightmarish collection of narratives is an experience I suggest everyone have. It isn’t for everyone as it is very artsy and strange, but it is a movie that definitely redefines itself within the genre. If you want to watch a film that is different, uncomfortable, and somewhat frightening, give this movie a gander.

Mad God is a collection of stories that form a cohesive narrative told through a combination of mediums. Most of the movie is in stop motion, but it also mixes some CGI and live-action scenes for great effect. Keep in mind, that this is a silent movie, and it can be slow. Most scenes are composed of uncomfortable images and moments designed to make the audience uncomfortable. I would say that this movie works as a metaphor for the atrocities mankind is capable of. I am simply amazed by how far the creators were able to push this nightmare. This is a movie that pushes the limits of the genre in order to create a truly unique form of storytelling.

I liked this movie a lot. The stories it tells are interesting and the nightmare it sculps is fantastic. I have never seen anything like this. If you like experimental horror that pushes the envelope, check this movie out. Even if you don’t like these types of movies, I would ask you to experience the weirdness. It isn’t for everyone, but you can stream it on Shudder.

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Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Orphan First Kill (2022)

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The Orphan First Kill is the prequel that did not need to be made. It is a negligible addition to the universe that adds little to the lore. The prequel focuses on the events before the first movie, but nothing interesting happens. The acting was great, but it is wasted on a boring story with questionable writing. Do yourself a favor and skip this movie.

I went back and re-watched the first movie to see how it compared. It has been a while, and I wanted to make sure that my opinion of the movie wasn’t a memory made better because I was so bored with First Kill. The original is a far better movie. It isn’t perfect, but at least it was entertaining. First Kill doesn’t have any real direction. It pads the run time with sappy family moments then teases you with an interesting and unexpected twist, only to become another generic horror movie that isn’t worth your time.

This movie has a few good moments, but not enough to save it. I am going to spoil this movie to make my point. It doesn’t matter because you shouldn’t watch yourself, but a warning is still in order. 

Ester goes to kill the detective that has been asking too many questions. In his final breaths, as Ester stands over him asking how he knew she was lying, a bullet pierces his head and leaves him lifeless. As he bleeds onto the carpet, Ester turns to see Julia Styles holding a gun. Styles confronts Ester about her lie, but instead of killing Ester and ending the movie, she blackmails Ester into keeping up the charade. Styles had been covering up the murder of the original Ester, and the new Ester was the piece she needed to make her husband happy again. 

This was a great moment that easily stands out against the blandness carried throughout the rest of this film, but it is a moment wasted because the rest of the movie doesn’t have any of this energy. I liked that Ester was made a victim because it puts the audience in an uncomfortable position. Do they root for Ester who is conning the family and has a murderous past, or do you root for the family the dark secret she is conning that also wants her dead? It makes me mad that such an interesting idea sits so comfortably within such a disappointing movie. 

You can stream this on Paramount+, but I wouldn’t bother.

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: The Long Night (2022)

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The Long Night didn’t make much of an impression on me. It doesn’t do anything I would go rushing to see, but it had enough interesting visuals to keep my attention. The acting is solid, the story is okay, and the lore is pretty tame. I honestly don’t have much to say because it doesn’t stand out much from any other demon cult movies I’ve seen.

The Long Night is a story of a woman who is searching for her biological parents. This search brings her to a mysterious house in the middle of nowhere. She begins to hear voices and sees visions of cults and demons. The situation grows bleak when they are trapped in the house by a group of cultists. Now she and her boyfriend must survive the night. Will they be able to escape, or will they become a sacrifice to some unknown demon?

This movie is better than the average cult movie, but it isn’t something I would go rushing to see. The writing is a bit awkward, and the characters aren’t great. It is always harder to write about these movies because they don’t really inspire much. There are definitely things about this movie I appreciated, but it isn’t something I’ll be watching again. If you like the genre and are starving for a new horror movie, then this movie is fine. If not, you can live your life without it. You can stream it on Shudder.

Movie Reviews

Movie Review: The Cellar (2022)

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If you like demon possession movies, The Cellar is fine, but it is not without issues. The acting is mostly okay, but there are definitely some outliers trending towards bad. The story is fine, but I don’t know how I feel about math being the evil force that powers the whole narrative.

The Cellar is the story of a family that moves into a house that is possessed by an ancient demon. The family isn’t even allowed a night of peace in the new house as their daughter goes missing instantly. Strange things continue to happen to the family. They hear voices, see figures, and some even lose their free will through possession. The matriarch takes it upon herself to solve the mystery of what is happening to her family. Will she be able to free her family from the clutches of the Leviathan, or will she and her family be more souls added to his collection?

This movie is fine. If you like horror and don’t mind the acting, there are some cool things it does visually that are worth checking out. It plays around with some interesting lore and mythology, but it isn’t something you should be racing to see. It is a nice addition to a horror movie marathon if you are running out of choices.

I will say that after watching a few of these Shudder originals, I am impressed with the direction in which they are taking the genre. They might still be rough, but I can see some solid attempts and exploration that I can see paying off when they truly find their voice. I am curious to see them grow and hopeful that they will become a household name for horror one day. They still have some growth to do, but it is only a matter of time. 

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