Tag Archives: horror

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Review: Apartment 143 (2012)

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I am not a fan of found footage movies. I don’t like the lack of structure. There are some exceptions to this, but unfortunately, Apartment 143 isn’t one of them. Maybe I would have liked this movie if I could understand any of the conversations. In an odd artistic decision, the sound is recorded from a camera microphone too far away to pick up a lot of the dialogue. The idea was probably to make the found footage seem more authentic, but it is hard to care about a movie you can’t understand.

The movie is about a group of paranormal investigators on a job. Strange things have been happening to the family living in Apartment 143, and this team of experts is here to figure out what it is. The movie entertains the possibility of ghosts, demons, psychic powers, and even mental illness for the strange activity. There is a lot of pointless misdirection because the movie ends without a clear answer. The worst part of this movie is that it ends in sequel bait. Whatever is going on in the house isn’t done yet.

There are better found footage movies out there. Ones that don’t involve people waiting around having irrelevant conversations. This shamelessly relies on cheap jump scares to hide the fact that there is nothing valuable in the rest of the movie. As of writing this, you can watch this free on YouTube, but I wouldn’t bother.

Watch it Here!
Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Honeymoon (2014)

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Honeymoon is a low-budget horror movie that is worth checking out. The movie follows a newlywed couple on their honeymoon in a lake town. Everything seems fine at first. They are able to enjoy a few moments of marital bliss before their lives change forever. Their honeymoon becomes shrouded by an ominous mystery, and Paul (the husband) spends the rest of the movie trying to solve it. There is something off about Bea, but you will need to watch the movie to find out what.

The plot is simple, and the ending is a bit disappointing, but the acting saves this movie from mediocrity. The leads do the best with what they are given. It is their chemistry and acting ability that make this movie enjoyable. I recommend you watch this movie just to see these great performances.

I have absolute respect for this movie’s creative storytelling. You can tell where the budget affects the movie, but it isn’t terrible or distracting. The way they use the isolation and peacefulness of the lake to create horror is impressive. I appreciate that this isn’t another generic horror movie that relies on cheap jump scares and gimmicks. Instead, Honeymoon attempts to create horror around an overbearing mystery that we get to piece along with Paul. I would love to see what the filmmakers could do with a bigger budget. But as is, it works. 

This movie is worth checking out if you like suspenseful horror and don’t mind the low budget. As I said, the acting is what sets this movie apart. You can watch this on Amazon Video if you have a Prime membership.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Kept Woman (2015)

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Kept Woman is a horror movie where the monster is toxic masculinity. The film is about a strong, intelligent, independent Jessica who is kidnapped and forced to live the rest of her life as a 1950’s American housewife in her neighbor’s basement. It is a story about the struggle between modern womanhood and the pressure of an always creeping outdated ideal. Kept Woman attempts to create horror in the mundane, almost like in Stepford Wives or Get Out. The monster isn’t scary, but rather the need for idyllic perfection. As a result, there are some beautiful set designs, but faulty execution.

The movie spends the first half of the movie establishing Jessica as the here. She is a quirky and intelligent amateur sleuth. The movie wastes so much time on her development, that the horror is limited to the last 30 minutes of the film. It is dull and disappointing. I believe the intent was to build up to a powerful moment when she escapes, but it doesn’t pan out as such. It feels rushed and forced. Some cool moments in this movie suggest that a bigger budget and better writing might have saved this movie, but as is, this movie is a waste of time. 

If you want a movie with the same plot done better, watch 10 Cloverfield Lane. It has the same plot done better, even with the whole alien subplot. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on Amazon Video with a Prime subscription. 

Series Reviews

TV Series Review: I Know What You Did Last Summer (2021)

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I have mixed feelings about this series. I am really impressed with what this show does well, but it is slow. It builds proper suspense and mystery, the death scenes are well done, there are some cool set designs, and the twist is surprising. The biggest problem with this show is that it is too long. You have to sit through a lot of pointless relationships and teen drama to get to the good parts. There are a lot of plot points and development that lead nowhere. I tuned out a lot of this show because of this. But some well-done moments kept me interested till the end. It is hard to recommend this show because of how slow it gets.

The show follows the same formula as the original movies. A group of friends is out partying and they hit someone with a car. They decide to hide their crime and live with the guilt. Someone knows what they did and now is terrorizing them, hunting them down one by one. For the most part, this show presents a solid mystery. That is if you can sit through all the filler. Most of you have better things to do. I think if you are the target audience, you might fair a little better with all the teen drama than I did.

I wish this series were a movie instead. If they cut out all the filler, you have a solid mystery and some impressive creativity. There are some fun death scenes and some suspenseful moments, but the pacing takes away from this. I want more creative deaths and mystery because the show does the few it has well.

I also thought the use of shifting perspectives was a neat idea. Every episode would follow a different victim and you would get a different perspective of a shared experience. It provided context and deeper insight into each character. The problem is that it got repetitive, and often it would be a rehashing of the same story you’ve already seen too many times. I think if each retelling added useful information about the mystery instead of drama it would have been more effective. Maybe even have some details misremembered because everyone was so high. But I appreciate the attempt nonetheless.

I am not surprised it got cancelled after one season. I think it ends fine enough, any story after would have been too off the rails to be tolerable. Overall, the pacing really hurts the show. Watch this if you want something that doesn’t require much attention because you will zone a lot of this out. I wouldn’t rush out to watch this, but it is something to check out if you have nothing else to do. You can check it out on Amazon if you have a Prime membership.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Lantern’s Lane (2021)

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Do not waste your time on this terrible movie. The camera work, the plot, the acting, and the big reveal are irredeemably bad. There is nothing worth watching in this movie.

Lantern’s lane is about a girl who returns to her rural home town where she reunites with friends from high school. Bitter that she hasn’t returned, her friends attempt to play a prank on her by scaring her. Things turn sour when a killer starts hunting them instead. The mom and daughter from the opening scene are the killers. This movie spoils its ending in the first five minutes of play time with its terrible acting and camera work. Lantern’s Lane is a great example of a filmmaker who is trying way too hard to be symbolic. This movie is full of obvious foreshadowing that ruins any tension that this movie could have had. Not that anything of note ever happens. It takes a whole hour before the horror element comes into play, but it doesn’t matter because you already know who the killer is.

Instead, you are forced to sit through terribly read high school drama no one asked for. I don’t know which is worse, the acting or the writing. I don’t think anyone involved with the making of this movie has ever talked to a real person before. The dialogue in this movie is unreal. You can mash your keyboard right now, and the outcome would be better dialogue.

And the editing of this movie? I don’t think there is a single scene in this movie that isn’t a collection of shots lazily pieced together. There are more cuts in a scene of simple dialogue than there are in an MCU fight scene. Disney cuts fight scenes to hide the fact that the actors can’t fight. This movie does it to hide the fact that they can’t act. There are moments of dialogue where there is a 5-second delay before an actor responds to what was just said. I wouldn’t be surprised if the actors weren’t competent enough to remember simple dialogue. 

Don’t waste your time with this movie. Even if you like watching bad movies for fun, there’s nothing here for you. It isn’t worth sitting through because nothing happens. You don’t even get to see anyone die. But if you don’t believe me, you can watch it on Hulu.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: The VelociPastor (2019)

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I loved this movie, but I can’t recommend it. It’s not good. The VelociPastor was made for a certain type of audience, but it wasn’t a mainstream audience. Unless you love watching bad cheesy movies for fun, you are going to have a bad time.

The VelociPastor is about a Catholic priest who has lost his faith. He goes on a pilgrimage to find his faith, but he finds the power to turn into a raptor instead. With the help of a prostitute, he uses his powers to fight an origination of evil ninja. It is insane and I loved almost every minute of it.

Again, this movie isn’t for everyone. The writing is bad, the fight scenes are cheesy, and the costumes and special effects are terrible. This movie looks like it was shot at someone’s house. That said, the acting was surprisingly good, the soundtrack was great, and the sound was amazing. It is often the case with low-budget movies like this for the sound to be awful. I’ve seen movies where dialogue is barely audible or full of reverb. The VelociPastor has its sound on point and I appreciate the filmmakers for it. I can forgive bad acting and terrible special effects, but the sound is hard to overlook. That said, a normal audience will not enjoy this movie.

I am not normal, and I enjoy watching bad movies. I loved this movie for what it is, a goofy attempt at a polymorphing action movie. The one-liners, the costumes, the action scenes, and the big twist at the end were all very much appreciated. It does slow down towards the middle, I think they were running out of ideas, but they were able to bring me back in with a grand finale. This is easily my favorite bad movie. 

If you like making fun of bad movies, check this out. For the rest of you, it’s hard to recommend. The lack of structure and overall goofiness isn’t for everyone. If you are interested in watching The VelociPastor, do not take it seriously. Have fun with it. You can watch it if you have an Amazon Prime membership.  

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Review: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

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The new Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the best-rebooted horror franchise I’ve seen so far. It isn’t going to win any awards, but it is a lot of fun. This movie knows what it is, and it does it well. Texas Chainsaw Massacre goes back to its slasher roots and capitalizes on what makes the genre great. The Leatherface is blood-thirsty, and it makes for some very cool deaths. If you are a fan of slasher movies, this will be a solid revisit to the genre.

Out of the remakes I have seen so far, Texas Chainsaw Massacre has the best pacing. Everything is concise and self-contained to the town. There is no needless back story or lazy tie-ins. There isn’t a whole lot of self-service for the legacy characters or the original franchise. The movie introduces the main characters and starts killing them almost immediately. I was pleasantly surprised that I didn’t have to wait through a bunch of meaningless reinvented lore to get to what makes this movie fun.

The characters are fine for what they are, although they are a bit insufferable. You spend enough time with them to care, or not care about them. You don’t get long-winded backstories that add nothing to the plot. The acting is good for the type of movie. The plot doesn’t feel long and drawn out. The kills and action are great, and although some are cheesy, it sets this film apart from the other reboots. Overall, I don’t think this is a movie you can keep coming back to, but if you have nothing else to do, at least it’s not Holloween. You can find this movie on Netflix.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: Scream (2022)

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It is tricky to recommend the new Scream movie. Unless your movie ticket is $2, I would not bother watching it in theaters. Streaming it at home would be a better option, but this movie isn’t anything special. The meta-ness of this movie is a bit drawn out. I get that you should rush to see. The meta-ness is a bit much, and the story suffers for it. I get that the meta-jokes are part of the charm of the series, but they get abrasive and overstay their welcome. Sometimes they do work, but more often than not, it is unnecessary commentary about itself. Jay and Silent Bob Reboot does the same commentary better.

I will say that this is a better reboot than the newest Holloween. Scream doesn’t feel as drawn-out, nor is it a vanity project for the original cast. But this movie is drawn out, and a lot of this comes from its meta-ness. This movie will stop often to explain elements of horror movies or spoil itself when all I want to do is watch a scary movie. This movie has potential, and there are moments where the meta-ness works, but it never quite gets there.

The best scene in the whole movie is its opening. While it is clearly an homage to the original, it is excellently executed, and it sets a tone that the rest of the movie never lives up to. It builds some great tension, there is the perfect amount of meta-ness to story, and Jenna Ortega’s performance as the first victim is the high bar that the rest of the movie will continue to fail to achieve. This scene alone gave me the hope that now fuels my disappointment in this movie. 

The main issue with this movie is its characters. The legacy characters are fine, but the new cast is forgettable. The main character is boring. Melissa Barrera isn’t a good choice for the lead. But to her credit, the lead is poorly written. If Sam isn’t dealing with her father being the original killer, she is spouting unwarranted one-liners that never fit her character. I think they were trying to redefine the role of the scream queen to be strong and independent, but there isn’t enough evidence in this movie to support that she is strong and independent. There is a scene in this movie where the killer tells Sam that she “You aren’t strong enough for this movie.” This is the best meta moment in this movie because it is true. Her performance isn’t up to par with the rest of the cast, and the rest of the cast barely does any better. 

This movie is just alright. If you are a fan of the series, it is better than some of the sequels and you might appreciate it more than most. If you aren’t a fan, I think it is better to wait for streaming to be available. I have seen a lot worse, but it isn’t worth the ticket price.

Movie Reviews, movies

Movie Reviews: Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)

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Welcome to Racoon City has to be the worst movie in the series. Absolutely nothing happens in the first thirty minutes of this movie. There is no meaningful world-building, no character development, and zombies aren’t even cool. This whole experience is a giant slog towards a very cheesy and disappointing sequel bait.

Most of the run time is wasted on pointless family drama. I came to this movie to see some hot zombie action, but the zombies take a back seat to the main character’s poorly acted family issues. The zombies barely show up in this movie. When they do, they are these poorly designed abominations. What little action does exist is poorly executed and dull. I can’t stress enough how boring this movie is.

This is a generic action movie and not the origin story it claims to be. If you are a fan of the video games, prepare to stay disappointed. If you are a fan of the movie series, this is the worst one. This movie isn’t worth your time nor the $20 price tag.

Movie Reviews, movies

YouTube Movie Reviews: 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)

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I found myself enjoying this movie up until the end. The acting is what makes this movie work so well. John Goodman’s character is amazing! His character is what gives the movie most of its suspense. I will commend the film’s ability to effectively tell a solid narrative through the interactions between three people. They create a whole world within a small bunker and I am here for it. I recommend this movie to see John Goodman.

My issue with this movie is with the ending. This movie is a part of a larger Cloverfield Cinematic Universe (CCU), but I don’t think it works here. The connection to the CCU seems to be an afterthought and thus lazily executed. If you ignore this connection, it is a much more compelling story about prisoners trapped in some stranger’s basement. That’s the movie you need to see, not this poorly executed alien invasion movie. Ignoring this connection is ideal, but it also creates a new issue. If you do not know anything about the CCU, the ending to this movie is disorienting and disappointing. But if you don’t ignore it, you will still be disappointing.

But don’t let the promise of disappointment dull your intrigue about this movie. If you ignore its connection to the CCU and look past the ending, you have a solid and entertaining movie you can watch for free on YouTube.

Watch it Here!